Text 4773, 96 rader
Skriven 2007-02-02 20:18:00 av Greg Sears
Ärende: Bone
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's FUNNY BONE Collection Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 10

                          The Belief Systems


   Many important theological questions are answered if we think
   of God as a Computer Programmer:

              _ === _       Q: Does God control everything that
             / \(_)/ \          happens in my life?
             | /   \ |      A: He could, if he used the debugger,
             | \ // |          but it's tedious to step through
             \_/   \_/          all those variables.
         .--" /     \ `"-.
        (   ( '.___.'   ,') Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
         (__,-.       )--'  A: God thought he eliminated evil in
      jgs   '.____)--'          one of the earlier versions.

   Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
   A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automati-
       cally and he logs on from home to try to bring it up.
       Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

   Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
   A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
       candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out
       his girlfriend had left him.
                                                         _____
   Q: How come the Age of Miracles has ended?        ,-:` \;',`'-,
   A: That was the development phase of the        .'-;_,;  ':-;_,'.
       project, now we are in the maintenance     /;   '/    ,  _`.-\
       phase.                                    | '`. (`     /` ` \`|
                                             jgs |:.  `\`-.   \_   / |
   Q: Who is Satan?                              |     (   `,  .`\ ;'|
   A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit    \     | .'     `-'/
       for more powers than he actually possesses, `.   ;/        .'
       so people who aren't programmers are scared   `'-._____.-'`
       of him.  God thinks of him as irritating but
       irrelevant.

   Q: What is the role of sinners?
   A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess
       up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
                  v
            (__)v | v    Q: Where will I go after I die?
            /\/\_|_/    A: Onto a DAT tape.
           _\__/  |
          /  \/`\<`)     Q: Will I be reincarnated?
          \ (  |\_/      A: Not unless there is a special need to
          /)))-(  |          recreate you.  And searching those tar
         / /^ ^ \ |          files is a major hassle, so if there is
        /  )^/\^( |          a request for you, God will just say
    jgs )_//`__>> |          that the tape has been lost.
          #   #`  |

   Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
   A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites
       running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

   Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
   A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but
       then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless
       stuff onto  it and now everything is more complicated and
       expensive than ever.
                                                  .-. <*****> .-.
   Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?          / _ \.-----./ _ \
   A: You can waste his time telling him what   | / \((())))))/ \ |
       to do, or you can just get off his back  ||: :(( '_' )): `||
       and let him program.                     || : )))---((( : ||
                                                ||  (((  _  ))) :||
   Q: What is the one true religion?            ||: :/  /|\  \:  ||
   A: All systems have their advantages and     ||  / ,/\|/\, \ :||
       disadvantages, so just pick the one      ||: \___/ \___/  ||
       that best suits your needs and don't     || : ||     || : ||
       let anyone put you down.                 ||  / |     | \  ||
                                                ||:|  |     |  |:||
   Q: How can I protect myself from evil?       | /   |     |   \ |
   A: Change your password every month and      |/    |     |    \|
       don't make it a name, a common word,           |     |
       or a date like your birthday.             jgs  |     |
                                                      |*****|
   Q: Some people claim they hear the voice           ~~~~~~~
       of God. Is this true?
   A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.

         _                                                 _
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        (_.===============================================._)


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