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Ärende: LESSON 4-Relationships
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LESSON 4
*January 15 - 21
Relationships

SABBATH AFTERNOON

Read for This Week's Study: 1 Samuel 25; Eph. 4:1-3; 1 Pet. 3:9-12; Luke 17:3,
4; 23:34; James 5:16.

Memory Text:


" 'So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this
sums up the Law and the Prophets' " (Matthew 7:12, NIV).
 An experienced urban evangelist used to organize stress management seminars as
an introduction to evangelistic meetings in cities. He had devised a simple
survey in which he asked the audience to list four or five things that caused
them the most stress. Workers grouped the answers in general categories
(health, money, work, relationships, etc.). Before the count was completed, one
worker saw that the speaker already had a prepared set of transparencies to
discuss "relationships" as the number one source. When questioned, the pastor
explained that the results had always been the same: bad relationships always
came up as the primary cause of stress.

Whether problems with spouse, children, boss, work associate, neighbor, friend,
or enemy, people tend to be the principal stressor. In contrast, when
relationships are positive, they are a powerful source of satisfaction. This
seems consistent across geography and culture. People make us happy or people
make us miserable.

That's why this week we'll spend some time focusing on the important topic of
relationships and what the Bible teaches us about them. 
*Study this week's lesson to prepare for Sabbath, January 22.
SUNDAY
January 16

Completely Humble and Gentle

Read Ephesians 4:1-3. Why do you think Paul connects humility, gentleness, and
patience with good relationships and unity? Recall examples of your own
experience in which the above attitudes have made a positive impact on
relationships.


Read 1 Samuel 25. What can we learn from the actions of Abigail and David
regarding proper behavior in difficult and tense situations?

The story of David, Nabal, and Abigail provides an excellent example of
successful social interaction. Results vary significantly depending on how
individuals present themselves--as superiors, as equals, or as humble friends
or associates.

David sent his soldiers to Nabal with a fair request. "We have protected your
men and your property; give us whatever you can find" (1 Sam. 25:7, 8, author's
paraphrase). But Nabal didn't know about kindness or diplomacy. We are told
that he was a harsh and evil man. Other translations use terms such as surly,
mean, brutish, rough, dishonest, churlish, and rude. And he surely displayed
these traits before David's warriors.

In contrast, notice David's initial attitude. Even though he held the military
power, his message was full of care and humility, wishing Nabal and his
household long life and good health, introducing himself as "your son David"
(vs. 8, NIV).

As for Abigail, the Bible tells us that she was intelligent and beautiful.
Notice her behavior: she provided an abundant amount of choice food; she ran to
appease David, bowed down before him, addressed herself as "your servant" and
David as "my master," and asked for forgiveness. She also reminded David that
as a man of God, he needed to avoid needless bloodshed.

The result of Abigail's tactful and humble action brought about a complete turn
in David's intentions. He praised the Lord for sending her and praised her for
her good judgment. This effective mediation, full of godly spirit, saved the
lives of many innocent men. As for Nabal, David did not need to shed blood,
because the man died--probably of heart failure--a victim of his own fear.
It's easy (usually) to be kind to those we like. But what about those we don't?
Think of those you find very disagreeable. How would they react if you
displayed a humble and gentle attitude toward them? Through God's grace, give
it a try (remembering, too, that you might not always be the most likable and
lovable soul either). MONDAY
January 17

Repaying Evil With Blessings

What is the true intent of 1 Peter 3:8-12? What are some of the immediate ways
you can apply these principles to your own life? 
Jesus upgraded the "eye for an eye" approach to turning the other cheek (Matt.
5:38, 39). This was a revolutionary concept then and still is today for many
cultures and traditions. Unfortunately, even Christians rarely return good for
evil. But Jesus keeps saying: " 'Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart' " (Matt. 11:29, NIV).

A couple with small children was experiencing serious problems with their
neighbors. On several occasions, and in nasty tones, these neighbors told the
young parents how disagreeable it was to see play equipment installed in the
yard and to hear the children playing on it. They complained about certain
sections of the young family's yard and how they were bothered by this and
that. The young couple did not appreciate being talked to in such a harsh and
unkind tone. After all, they were not doing anything against the neighborhood
rules. One day, when the family was harvesting apples from the backyard apple
trees, the mother decided to give the neighbors two freshly baked apple pies.
The neighbors accepted the pies gladly. That simple act made a difference in
their relationship, probably because they never would have expected anything
like that from people whom they had been constantly harassing.

How did David pay back Saul's constant attacks on his life? 1 Sam. 24:4-6. What
does this tell us about David's character? How might we need to apply the same
attitude in our own experience, especially when we might be having problems
with someone who, in his or her own way, also could be "anointed of the Lord" 
The first book of Samuel records four times when David expressed the immorality
of lifting his hand against "the Lord's anointed." Even though he had
opportunities to take revenge, he repeatedly tried to approach and forgive the
king. David chose a humble and godly manner in his dealings with someone who
wasn't kind to him.

Shouldn't we all, in whatever situation we are facing, seek to do the same?

TUESDAY
January 18

Forgiveness

It is possible to appear to live a rich and meaningful religious life, yet have
serious relational problems. It's a fact of life that as human beings we often
cross each other and cause each other pain, even--and sometimes especially--in
the church. Hence, how important we learn the art of forgiveness.

Read Ephesians 4:32. How well have you been applying this biblical truth in
your life? Whom do you need to forgive, and why is it important for your own
good to forgive them? 
Only in recent years has the counseling profession started to look more
positively at the importance of spiritual principles for mental health. For
decades religion and spirituality were seen by many psychologists and
counselors as an underlying source of guilt and fear. Not so much anymore.
Today many utilize the protective effects of a committed Christian viewpoint.
"Therapies" such as prayer, spiritual journaling, memorization of key biblical
texts, and forgiveness protocols are now recognized as helping many people
overcome a variety of emotional disturbances. Forgiveness counts among the most
soothing strategies, even if the ability to truly forgive and be forgiven comes
only from God through a God-transformed heart (Ezek. 36:26).

Read Matthew 5:23-25; Luke 17:3, 4; 23:34. What do they teach us about
forgiveness, as well? 
Sometimes one may think that forgiveness virtually is impossible to grant. But
no human being will ever reach the extent of what Jesus bore in the way of pain
and humiliation: the King and Creator of the universe was unjustly degraded and
crucified by His creatures. Yet Jesus, in complete humility, cared for them
enough to implore the Father for their forgiveness.
At times people wrong others without a full understanding of the pain they are
causing. Other times people offend because they are insecure or have personal
problems, and so they try to obtain relief by hurting others. How can the
awareness of others' problems help you offer forgiveness? How can you learn to
forgive those who are purposely trying to hurt you? 
WEDNESDAY
January 19

Confess Your Sins to Each Other

How do you interpret James's recommendation to confess sins to one another?
James 5:16. Dwell on this verse and ask yourself how you need to apply its
teaching to your own situation. 
Sins against my neighbor requires my confession to him/her in order to secure
forgiveness and to restore the relationship. It also shows that I am willing to
take the responsibility for what I have done and that I trust and hope for
acceptance and forgiveness. By God's grace, a noble soul will grant
forgiveness, regardless of the size of the offense.

There is an additional interpretation of James's text, which offers great
healing possibilities. Confessing sins, errors, and transgressions to someone
you trust brings about emotional healing. Opening up one's own imperfection to
a godly Christian friend will help alleviate the burden of sin. In addition,
mutual confession deepens interpersonal relationships. Trusting and being
trusted provides the bonding that will make a friendship genuine and lasting.
In fact, the entire counseling profession is founded upon the principle that
talking is good for the soul. Although there are mental disorders that
necessitate professional treatment, many feelings of distress can be relieved
at the church and community levels. And this is especially true for problems
created by the deterioration of interpersonal relationships--misunderstandings,
slander, jealousy, etc. Following James's advice not only will alleviate
psychological burden but also bring  renewed strength to change destructive
behaviors.

A word of caution, though. Although disclosure of committed sins to a close
friend may bring much relief, it makes the person vulnerable. There is always
the risk that our friend will reveal the confidence to others, and this is
destructive to those involved.
Most important, we always can confess our trespasses to the Lord in full
confidence and with the assured certainty of forgiveness. Read 1 Peter 5:7.
Defective relationships may bring uncertainty and even fear and anxiety. Others
may be able to help, but the surest aid comes from God, who is willing to take
all our cares at any time, leaving us with a genuine sense of relief for having
left our burdens in His hands. 
THURSDAY
January 20

Building Others Up

Read the following texts, and ask yourself how you can apply the teaching to
your own life. Why is this so important, not only for yourself but for others?
Eph. 4:29, 1 Thess. 5:11, Rom. 14:19. 
Paul admonishes the early church communities to avoid the deterioration of
personal relationships in the "body of Christ." Many interpersonal difficulties
come from tearing each other down and, in the process, hurting the entire
community. People who engage in gossip and backbiting tend to have problems
themselves--feelings of inferiority, the need to be noticed, a desire for
control or power, and other insecurities. These people need help to abandon
this hurtful way of dealing with their inner conflicts.

Indeed, feeling well about oneself helps to prevent being involved in gossip
and slander. Members of the body of Christ need to consider themselves
privileged for having received the gift of salvation (Ps. 17:8, 1 Pet. 2:9).
With this understanding, the emphasis becomes building others up and working
toward mutual edification. Words of encouragement and approval, emphasis on the
positive side of things, humility, and a joyful attitude are ways of supporting
those with personal problems.

Another way to help is to serve as relational mediators. Jesus calls
peacemakers " 'blessed' " and " 'children of God' " (Matt. 5:9), and James says
that peacemakers will reap "a harvest of righteousness" (James 3:18, NIV).

Read Matthew 7:12. Why is this so key to all relationships? 
This principle can be considered as a priceless jewel for social relationships.
It is positive, it is based on love, it is universal, and it stretches above
and beyond human law. The "golden rule" also brings about practical benefits to
everyone involved.

A Chinese farmer was tending his rice paddy up in the mountain terraces
overlooking the valley and the sea. One day he saw the beginning of a tidal
wave--the sea retreated, leaving a wide portion of the bay exposed, and he knew
that the water would return with force, destroying everything in the valley. He
thought of his friends working in the valley and decided to set his rice field
on fire. His friends immediately ran up the mountain to put the fire out and
thus missed being killed in the tidal wave. As a result of this spirit of
helping one another, their lives were saved.

The lesson is clear.
 
FRIDAY
January 21

Further Study: 

Read Ephesians 4:25-32 and underline the words that touch your heart more
directly. Reflect on all the things you can do, with God's help, to improve
your relationship with other people.

These are portions of a letter that Ellen White wrote in 1908 to an evangelist:
"I have this message for you from the Lord: Be kind in speech, gentle in
action. Guard yourself carefully, for you are inclined to be severe and
dictatorial, and to say rash things. . . . Harsh expressions grieve the Lord;
unwise words do harm. I am charged to say to you, Be gentle in your speech;
watch well your words; let no harshness come into your utterances or into your
gestures. . . .

"When the daily experience is one of looking unto Jesus and learning of Him,
you will reveal a wholesome, harmonious character. Soften your representations,
and let not condemnatory words be spoken. Learn of the great Teacher. Words of
kindness and sympathy will do good as a medicine, and will heal souls that are
in despair. The knowledge of the Word of God brought into the practical life
will have a healing, soothing power. Harshness of speech will never bring
blessing to yourself or to any other soul."--Gospel Workers, pp. 163, 164. 
Discussion Questions:

  How much do you like to gossip? And even if you don't do it yourself, how
eager and open are you to hear gossip from others? Why, in a sense, is that
just as bad as spreading gossiping yourself? How can you stop being part of
what can cause other people a great deal of pain? 

  Forgiveness can be so difficult, especially when we have been very badly
hurt. How do you learn to forgive those who don't ask for forgiveness, who
don't care about your forgiveness, and who might even scorn it? What is your
responsibility in such cases? 
  Verbal and physical abuse within families is a reality that brings much pain
to individuals and groups. What should be the Christian attitude to help
prevent this problem? What should be recommended when forgiveness does not
cause any change in abusive behavior? 
 Think over your life right now. What steps can you take to bring about an
improvement in your relationships? Why is humility, trust in God, and a desire
to do right so important in such a process? 

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