Text 5793, 101 rader
Skriven 2006-09-23 22:58:00 av JIM WELLER (1:123/140)
     Kommentar till en text av DAVE SACERDOTE
Ärende: Drinking like your Dad 2
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The second factor to take into consideration is the drink's name.
Because inevitably, someone is going to hear you order it, even if it's
just the bartender. I don't care if your drink is a mixture of bourbon,
bitters and Tabasco sauce; if it's called a Fuzzy Slipper it's not manly
and you don't want to order it. You want a tough, classic, simple name.
A Bronx. A Rusty Nail. A Boiler Maker. But just remember to steer clear
of novelty names that are associated with frat boy drinks. A Scud
Missile might sound tough, but it also sounds like you do your drinking
at a place with a lot of crazy crap on the wall and waiters that wear
striped shirts. Sure, it will get you messed up (it's Bacardi 151 and
cinnamon schnapps for any curious frat boys out there) but so will
huffing paint. A name shouldn't be too trendy, clever, or have sex
references in it. It's a cocktail, not a punch line.

So we know what we're trying to avoid, now let's put it into practice
with an example. You're out at a bar and your girlfriend is drinking a
Cosmopolitan. You sneak a sip and it tastes pretty good. You contemplate
having her stealthily order one on your behalf, but then you'd still
have that pink martini glass to deal with. Thinking on your feet, you
step up to the bar prepared to order a Kamikaze. After all, it's just
like a Cosmo without the splash of cranberry to pinkify it. But just
before the word escapes your lips you realize you'll sound like a frat
boy. They might even ask for your ID (which your little brother happens
to be "borrowing" at the moment). Just as the bartender is about to give
you the hairy eyeball (which isn't a drink, but should be) you say,
"I'll have a vodka and triple sec. Rocks. And can I get a lime with
that?" You've just ordered a basic version of a Kamikaze (the only
difference is that most bars would put Rose's lime juice in a Kamikaze
so yours will be a bit drier). It'll taste pretty similar to a Cosmo, be
served in a rocks glass and looks just like a gin and tonic or any other
such clear drink. What's more, you asked for something simple and
specific, which makes you look like a man who knows how to drink.
Granted, the triple sec is not the most manly of ingredients, but you're
still a lot better off than you were ordering a Cosmo or Kamikaze.

The previous example leads me to one final point _ the special order. To
have a manly drink that agrees with your palate, you may have to create
it yourself. This is actually a good thing, as long as you do it right.
For example, you ask the bartender, "Have you got any rye whiskey?" He
says, "We've got Jim Beam Rye." You answer "Great, I'll have a rye and
Coke." Now you've got something the right color and in the right glass,
but you just basically ordered a Jim Beam and Coke. Brother to the Jack
and Coke. Cousin to the rum and Coke, favored drink of teen boys
nationwide. But you'll probably get away with still looking like a man.
Why? Because you asked about rye whiskey. Something only real men drink.
And that's what will stick in their minds.

Even better is to ask for a specific brand of liquor. After all, our
parents and grandparents didn't just drink their drink, they drank it
with their brand. For my mom, it was (and still is) a Dewars and water.
For my grandfather it was an Old Crow and soda. But don't let it all go
wrong. Take this exchange for example: a soon to be shunned fellow yells
"Can I get an Electric Razzle Frazzle?" After getting a blank stare from
the barkeep he decides to teach him a little something. "It's Sour Puss
raspberry liqueur with root beer schnapps and a float of cream."

Now, there are a lot of things that went wrong there, but let's just hit
the highlights. (To save time, we'll ignore the spurious contents of
this hopefully fictional drink). Don't order a drink that you're pretty
sure the bartender has never heard of, especially if there is anyone one
else waiting for a drink. (Not to mention that it's probably a made-up
drink that you got off of some chain restaurant's table placard). And
chances are, the bartender doesn't care what it's called anyway. Just
tell him or her how to make it. And keep it simple. I'll have an X with
Y please (and maybe a dash of Z). The special order. Use it right and
you're the drinking man you've always aspired to be. Use it wrong and
become the bane of every bartender's existence.

Now that I've cautioned you on all the things that can go wrong, get out
there and do something right. Drink. Keep drinking. Make it your goal to
find that one drink that fits you like a glove. And, uh, makes you look
like a man that doesn't wear gloves. As for me, I'm still looking. Still
looking for the drink with the right color, container, contents and
character to set me apart as a real drinking man. I started with the
Black Russian. Decent sounding name, good color and glass, but too
sweet, even for me. I've moved on to Meyer's rum and ginger ale (a poor
man's Dark `n Stormy, since most bars don't stock ginger beer or
Gosling's Black Seal). It still has the shame of a sweet soda in it, but
I'm getting closer.

Some day, maybe I'll finally cultivate a taste for the Manhattan. And if
all else fails, give me a beer. A domestic macrobrew straight-up, no
chaser, please.

Jared Butler

Copyright 2006 Modern Drunkard Magazine



Cheers

Jim, in Yellowknife




... I love my country; buying liquor is the easiest way to give it money.
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