Text 9142, 56 rader
Skriven 2006-12-22 08:52:12 av DAVE SACERDOTE (1:123/140)
     Kommentar till en text av MICHAEL LOO
Ärende: Rant
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ML> What would be very cool would be to
ML> get a few of us in a room watching, for example, Rachael Ray,
ML> and record our reactions.

Okay, you just gave me an excuse to type up this rant, which has been
sort of percolating for a few weeks now, and needs to be vented.

I have come to loathe Rachael Ray.

I kind of liked her "30 minute" show at first.  Maybe it was the 
novelty.  Hell, maybe it was "Show Me ANYONE But Emeril For A Change
F'Chrissake" Syndrome.  But - par for the course when anything is
halfway decent - overexposure curdles the experience.  I can't walk
into Barnes & Noble without running into life-size cutouts of Rache
holding a frigging wooden spoon, grinning like a jack-o-lantern over
her latest collection of trailer-park cuisine.  I can't go into a 
grocery store without Rache signage flogging Nabisco crackers.  I can't
turn on the television without seeing her damn face everywhere, not
just on FN.

So here's what I hate about Rachael Ray:

1.  Her 30-minute meals are, generally, crap food.  Weiners.  Canned
    junk.  An overreliance on canned chicken broth.  You know what?
    I can make a decent meal, from scratch using no pre-made canned
    poop, in half an hour.  Yeah, I know she occasionally turns out
    something decent, but it's not all that common an experience.

2.  She has an amazing acting talent, right up there with William 
    Shatner, Adam West, and Richard Burton.  Rachael tastes food.
    Rachael squeals "YUMMO!" and rolls her eyes and wiggles.  How
    does she have any room to swallow food with the way she chews the
    scenery?  Oh yeah, that's right. She doesn't swallow the scenery.

3.  Abbreviations.  So, explain to me the point of using an
    acronym to shorten a phrase AND THEN SAYING THE PHRASE ANYWAY?
    "EVOOthat's Extra Virgin Olive Oil"  "we'll put this in the
    GBgarbage bowl" etc etc.  Hey Rachael:  STFUshut the f*** up, 
    you're ATHannoying the hell out of me, you SBstupid bint.

4.  She's a cheap bitch.  If I were a waiter and I found out that
    Rachael was going to be taping "$40 a Day" at my restaurant, 
    I'd try to call in sick the day they arrived.  Keeping to that
    budget usually means she's a crappy tipper.  Problem is that
    people watch the show and try to do the same things she does,
    leading to more crappy tips.

5.  Overexposure.  FN TV shows.  A magazine.  A talk show.  
    Advertisement Endorsements.  Blecch.  Get out of my FACE.

There.  That is all.

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