Text 473, 95 rader
Skriven 2004-09-06 03:22:22 av FidoNews Robot (2:2/2.0)
Ärende: FidoNews 21:36 [02/05]: Clean Humour & Jokes
====================================================
=================================================================
                      CLEAN HUMOUR & JOKES
=================================================================

                        Swiss Army Knife
               By Andy Alt, <andy22 at tcq dot net>

  DC> Someone has to buy those Army Knifes!

  MK> Are they actually made in Switzerland anymore?

  DC> Is anything made where it's supposed to be made these days?

Is that a conspiracy? A neutral country mass-producing knives with
built-in corkscrews and toothpicks? I see a possibility here:

They want us to take these with us on camping trips, using the knife
to cut steak, toothpick to entice us into eating the steak knowing we
won't worry about tooth decay, and with the knowledge that the
corkscrew will promote alcohol use *after* the steak is eaten. Red
wine with steak, if I'm not misteaken.

What do we have after that? A country that is not only drunk but full
on meat? What's next? Turkey with Triptophan(sp?)? An electric swiss
carving knife for Thanksgiving camping retreats? Oh they'd like us to
ingest Triptophan wouldn't they...

A once strong nation, now defenseless and vulnerable: drunk, top
trouser button and potentially a zipper open, while inside a flimsy
tent, instead of having the luxury of armor that a tank provides?

They have mass storage sites inside the Swiss Alps of Swiss Army
knives manufactured in a factory 40 stories *below* the mountain? Oh
trust me, NORAD may be nice, but the Swiss Alps contains state of the
Art Knives constructed by the most reputable and well-known
knife-makers on the face of this planet.

Did I say the face of the planet? Oh you better believe that any
technology as advanced and as widely known as the swiss army knife
couldn't be developed by modern Terran technology from *any* Earthly
nation, and indeed the Swiss are conspiring with E.T.s from all over
the Galaxy.

You may think the knives being imported from Switzerland are
well-constructed and have long-lasting life-time guaranteed
warranties, but if you believe anything, believe this: Those are
nothing compared to what's being manufactured in the depths of the
Swiss Alps with the aid of alien technology boosting the quality and
life of the gears used in the Swiss Knife assembly line conveyor belt.
Tecumseh may be one of the most well-known manufacturers of small
engines, but compared to the assembly lines working 24/7 in the cold
depths of the Swiss Alps, the Swiss are eating the *good* cheese
*without* the holes in it, and plotting for Global Secret Annihilation
and Killing.

And yes, the covert ops have coded that to GSAK for short. In American
Language (otherwise known as Mexican, Chinese, English, French, and
many others) that does have a double meaning... Good Swiss Army Knife.

Coincidence? Well... you all may call me a conspiracy nut, Just
another crazed conspiracy theorist -- but trust me even though you've
never met me in real life nor met my parents to buy a used automobile;
trust that this is not a theory, but a fact which can be proven by
evidence.

1. A fact that I've devised in my own mind.

2. Proven only by me, and

3. by evidence that I've personally written down

4. using a #2 pencil and encoded with dots that can only be de-coded
with the most sophisticated school computer of the mid 1980's.

And if any Swiss are reading this, please be assured that I am not
trying to offend any particular culture or make hasty or unfounded
accusations against your fine "country." I'm really only making an
attempt at humor, and hold no ill-will toward you or your GSAK
producing colleagues or citizens. The truth is... I have had trouble
getting ahold of your GSAK technical support, and wanted to get your
attention. I lost the directions on the proper cleaning method for my
GSAK and was wondering if you could email them to me.

I would also like to take this opportunity to apologize to the
moderator of this echo, whom I don't know, nor remember his name or
met personally; yet feel a kindred spirit because we both type when
sending messages and feel a real connection there what with both
having a qwerty layout on the keyboard; though his own keyboard maybe
the new ergonomic kind.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

--- Azure/NewsPrep 3.0
 * Origin: Home of the Fidonews (2:2/2.0)