Text 47865, 158 rader
Skriven 2007-01-27 10:29:42 av Phil Simpson (1:229/3000)
     Kommentar till en text av Dan Ceppa
Ärende: Doc
===========
Hello Dan.

Here's an example of Docs prose. A fidonews article.

<snip>
     This column is submitted by Doc Logger (163/110) who was
     busy drowning in the humid air mass that got lost and headed
     up here to the frozen tundra. I think the weatherbeings
     should send it back to Texas where it belongs.

     Roll  da flic Zorch....

     Dear Reverend Visage,

     Another slow week in Fidoland. The only amusing action has
     been in the petulant footstomping of Satti's second stringer
     in the Z1C elflord echo. It seems that Bowerman is
     attempting to remove the riffraff so that poor Satti won't
     get his tender sensitivities bruised when he wanders back
     into the echo. Satti messages haven't been seen for months
     in public and if he can perfect an equal cone of silence in
     private messages then he will have finally achieved his
     level of competence.

     Poor Bowerman is naive enough to accept a telephone bill as
     proof of His Zorchness' integrity. It wasn't that long ago
     that the lads in the Kohl troll kingdom were justifiably
     scoffing at the notion that a telephone number proved
     anything. Our prayers and our edible underwear should go out
     to Bowerman in his hour of delirium.

     There have been minor renewals of the perpetual discussion
     about what to do with the unwieldy dog of Peefour. A decent
     burial should be arranged with all possible haste but I
     don't think that this would satisfy those who don't want to
     assume responsibility and would rather have someone else
     make their choices for them via a series of stone tablets.

     I notice that an unimaginative soul has registered
     "fidonet.com" with Internic. Naturally, the choice of name
     is purely coincidence and has nothing to do with making
     ersatz claims on the real Fidonet. The morons who usurp
     existing and recognized names by registering them as
     Internet domains should be forced to go out on a date with
     Linda Tripp.

     This will have to be barely enough liner to cover the bird
     cage because Swamp Swine Magazine is sending me on a short
     kayak journey with a collection of deranged and drunken
     yuppies. My assignment is to ascertain how stupid people can
     get when a little liquor and wilderness are mixed. This
     pastime seems to reach a high art form when young
     professionals get away from the office and try to out macho
     each other by running into rocks. I shall be sure to bring
     my "Space Balls" CD with William Shatner's version of "Lucy
     In The Sky With Diamonds" so that the yuppies' last
     sensation on earth is suitably horrific...hell will seem
     comparatively pleasant.

     I must go, Visage, the sun is over the yard arm, and the
     driveway is filled with Hummers waiting to transport me
     beyond the heart of darkness.

     Regards,
     Doc Logger
     Nanook School of Kayaking & Bartending,
     somewhere on the mighty Dumoine River_

<snip>    OR

<snip>

Dear Editorbeings,

Please indicate that the following article was submitted by
Charles Herriot (1:163/110) who is still puzzled by what
sort of furry monster was eating the bottom of Heather
Locklear's skirt during the Billboard Music Awards. Roll 'da
flic, Sylvia...

Swamp Swine Magazine,
Shuckmagosh, Ohio

Dear Reverend Visage,

Will wonders never cease? Our Regional Coordinator's
patterning sessions were obviously successful enough for him
to wake up the returning officer and an election is
underway. Tony "PeeFour & Prunes" Bearman posted a most
amusing set of election rules. What made the rules such a
giggle was that poor Tony led off with a disclaimer that
even though creeping democracy had infested our region, the
ZC could still "appoint" the next RC. A nice warm hand job
to Tony, I say, and may the farce be with him. The man
obviously lives in  the delirious past where Dinosaurs
attempted to turn Fidonet into an oligarchy. It appears that
in addition to Bob "Bob" Satti, there is much deadwood to be
unclogged from the arteries of Fidonet.

Amazing facts department: I read with the usual amount of
amazement, the article by Mikhail Ramendek who asserted that
atheism led to Communism. I *knew* there had to be a more
compelling reason than mere superstition for having nailed a
plastic Jesus to my monitor. Poor Mikhail was prevented from
"reading the Snooz to his girlfriend" because he discovered
the dreaded "f" word in the text. Let's all just pause a
moment to grasp the concept of *anyone* reading the Snooz to
their girlfriend. Okay... hold that thought and please try
to suppress the snickering while we move on to the concept
of *anyone's* girlfriend being affronted by the "f" word.
Just how in heck do they procreate in Russia? Save us from
Communism, Mikhail, send us your nuns immediately.

Speaking of godly things, how much longer do you think it
will take George Peace to render a decision on  the Stein
vs. Kolin policy complaint? Do you suppose the delay has
been caused by a need to engage semantic scholars to
interpret the minimalist grunting contained in Bob "Bob"
Satti's appeal decision? Of course, the hitherto sterling
reputation of Matthew Stein has suffered a grievous blow
with the news that Matty was "backing up" his copy of
WordPerfect onto a friend's computer... for purely, cough,
archival purposes...wheeze. What makes Matty's little foible
even more delicious is that he tendered as an excuse, a
series of events which have a remarkably similar odour to
that which he had accused Kolin. The mind boggles at such
coincidences.

I note with approval the new Snooz policy of quoting all of
the pathlines for each article. It adds fibre and improves
regularity...not to mention that fact that it often makes
more compelling reading than the article which it follows. I
can only hope that Don & Sylvia find the time to include
page after page of those dumb-assed Internet signature
macros. A Snooz that looks like an antfarm can surely be
counted as a Western Art Treasure.

I must go, Visage, your secretary is raving again. This
really has nothing at all to do with the fact that she is
distraught over the frequent phone calls from someone named
"Sheila." As a good and decent gesture, I think she should
be sent to Newt Gingrinch's home for the Constitutionally
Abused.

P.S. I don't know how legions of defense lawyers and
prosecutors have missed this obvious conclusion, but after
watching a week of the O.J. Voyeurism Show; I am quite
certain that the Akita did it. Eat my dust, Greta Van
Cistern and fergawdsake *do* something with that hair.

Regards,
Doc Logger_
<snip>

Phil

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