Text 1168, 100 rader
Skriven 2005-02-07 06:48:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av DAVE COBLE
Ärende: Your Kids Might Have Inhe
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DC> The Mammogram

"Ode To A Mammogram"

For years and years they told me,
           "Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
        And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings
        And protected them by Law...
Guarded them very carefully,
        And always wore a bra.

After 30 years of careful care,
        The doctor found a lump.
He ordered a mammogram
        To look inside that clump.

"Stand very close," she said,
        As she got my tit in line,
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
        "Ah Yes!  There!  That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal...
        I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...
        My boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched and stretched
        From way up by my chin.
And my poor tit was being squashed
        To Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt,
        Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
        My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me
        Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
        I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say
        As the room was slowly swaying,
"Now let's get the other one,"
        "Lord, have mercy," I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down,
        It squeezed me from both sides,
I'll bet she's never had this done
        To her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,
        I surely have one now...
If there had been a cyst in there,
        It would have popped it--POW!!!

This machine was made by a man,
        Of this I have no doubt...
I'd like to get his balls in there.
        For months he'd do "without!!!!"

Preparation for Mammograms

Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics.  If you have
extremely agile breasts, you should do fine.  Most breasts, however, pretty
much hang around doing nothing in particular, so they are woefully
unprepared.

.....  But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home, using
these simple exercises!

Exercise 1: Refrigerate two bookends overnight.  Lay one of your
breasts (either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends
together as hard as you can.  Repeat three times daily.

Exercise 2:  Locate a pasta maker or an old wringer washer.  Feed
the breast into the machine and start cranking.  Repeat twice daily.

Exercise 3:  (Advanced):  Situate yourself comfortably on your side
on the  garage floor.  Place one of your breasts behind the rear tire
of the famiy  van.  When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease
the car into reverse.   Hold for five seconds.  Repeat on the other
side.


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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