Text 1490, 166 rader
Skriven 2005-03-31 08:46:12 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Email -- the agony & de feet
========================================
 GP> No E-Mail Address

       George Pope was saying F unny stuff to  all  

 GP> An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and
[.......]
 GP> Sadly, I received it also.

The story must rank right UP-there with the worse e-mail scams eh! '-(

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

LANGUAGES TO LOOK OUT FOR

     Courtesy of an informed source-

APL, BASIC, COBOL, FORTRAN, PASCAL, RPG ...These programming
languages are well known and (more or less) loved throughout the
computer industry.  There are numerous other languages, however, that
are less well-known yet still have ardent devotees. In fact, these
little known languages generally have the most fanatic admirers.  For
those who wish to know more about these obscure languages --- and why
they are obscure --- we present the following catalogue.

C- This language was named for the grade received by its creator when
he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.
C- is best described as a "low level" programming language.  In
general, the language requires more C- statements than machine code
instructions to execute a given task.  In this respect, it is very
similar to COBOL.

DOGO  Developed at MIOT (Massachusetts Institute of Obedience
Training).  DOGO heralds a new era of computer-literate pets.  DOGO
commands include SIT, HEEL, STAY, PLAY-DEAD, and ROLLOVER.  An
innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy graphics", a small cocker
spaniel that occasionally leaves deposits as it travels across the
screen.

FIFTH FIFTH is a precise mathematical language in which the data
types refer to quantities.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT
 and JIGGER, to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM
 and BLOTTO.  Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS,
CHARDONNAY, CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, BOURBON, CANADIAN
 COORS, BUD, EVERCLEAR, AND WHAT-EVERS-AROUND.

The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication
and financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect
include VSOP, LAFITE, and WAITERS-RECOMMENDATION.  The GUTTER dialect
commands include THUNDERBIRD, RIPPLE, and HOUSE-RED.  The GUTTER
dialect is a particular favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers, who
end up using this language.

LAIDBACK This language was developed at the Marin County Center for
T'ai Chi, Mellowness, and Computer Programming (now defunct), as an
alternative to the more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.

The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs
while they worked.  Unfortunately, few programmers could survive
there because the center outlawed Pizza and Coca-Cola in favor of
Tofu and Perrier.

Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a
gentle and non-threatening language (all of its error messages are in
lower case).  For example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with
the message:

     i hate to bother you, but i just can't relate to that.
     can you find the time to try it again?

LITHP   This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the
absence of an "S" in its character set.  Programmers and users must
therefore substitute "TH".  LITHP is said to be useful in prothething
lithtth.  This language was developed in California, but is now
widely used in Washington, D.C.  It is the current subset of the
international bureaucratic language known as DOUBLESPEAK.  Commands
include REVENUE-ENHANCEMENT, STOCKMAN, CAPWEINBERGER, MALCOMB
BALDRIDGE, CABINET, CHOP-WOOD, LAXALT and  SCENARIO.  WATT and
BURFORD have been removed from the commands, while there is a current
effort to add MEESE.

The operating system used is NEW-RIGHT and the designated memory is
THE-RANCH.  COMMIES (program bugs) are removed with the GRENADA
command.  A REAGAN program commences with LANDSLIDE and terminates
with SENILITY.

SARTE Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTE is an
extremely unstructured language.  Statements in SARTE have no purpose
 they just are.  Thus SARTE programs are left to define their own
functions.  SARTE programmers tend to be boring and depressing and
are no fun at parties.

SIMPLE SIMPLE is the acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose
Programming Linguistic Environment.  This language, developed at
Hanover College for Technological misfits, was designed to make it
impossible to write code with errors in it.  The statements are,
therefore, confined to BEGIN, END, and STOP.  No matter how you
arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error.

SLOBOL SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or the lack of it, of the
compiler.  Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break
while they compile, the SLOBOL compile allows you to travel to
Columbia to pick the coffee.  Forty-three programmers are known to
have died of boredom sitting at their terminals while waiting for a
SLOBOL program to compile.

VALGOL From its modest beginnings in Southern California's San
Fernando Valley, VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity
across the industry.

VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y*KNOW.  Variables
are assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTAL operators.  Other operators
include the California Booleans, AX and NOWAY.  Repetitions of the
code are handled in FOR-SURE loops.

Here is a sample program:

          LIKE Y*KNOW (IMEAN) START
          IF PIZZA=LIKE BITCHEN AND
          GUY=LIKE TUBULAR AND
          VALLEY GIRL=LIKE GRODY**MAX(FERSURE)**2
          THEN
               FOR   I=LIKE 1 TO OH*MAYBE 100
                     DO*WAH-(DITTY**2)
                     BARF(I)=TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
               SURE

          LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
          REALLY
          LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)
          IM*SURE
          GOTO THE MALL

VALGO is characterized by its unfriendly error messages...for example
 when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the
message:

          GAG ME WITH A SPOON!

 (This article originally appeared in the DEC APL SIG newsletter THE
SPECIAL CHARACTER SET and has gathered steam ever since.)



> OBjoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

This big time salesman went to several conferences a year.  Every
time he would take a $1000.00 bill with him.  One day his wife came
home and announced that she was going to the National Housewives
Convention and she would need a thousand dollars.  The salesman asked
her, "Why?"  She said, "You take a thousand dollars with you every
time you go to a   convention."  He said, " Yea, but, you don't drink

 You don't gamble, and you have your own pussy.  What do you need a
thousand dollars for?"


Cheers,
.            o      _      _          _ From the
.   _o      /\_    _ \o   (@)\__/o   (@)      I C E-man
. _< \_    _>(@)  (@)/<_     \_| \    _|/' \/
.(@)>(@)  (@)         (@)    (@)     (@)'  _\o_ OUCH!

... Discover all unpredictable errors before they  occur. .is an ART!

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)