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Möte FUNNY, 4886 texter
 lista första sista föregående nästa
Text 1946, 289 rader
Skriven 2005-05-03 08:01:44 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Bone
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's FUNNY BONE Collection Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 17

                                                                  ___ *
                         #hotsex on IRC                    ~*  .'`  _\
                                                              /  (o/
                Online computer users often engage      *    |    _\   *
                in what is affectionately known as            \  '==.
                "cybersex".  Often the fantasies           *   '.____\
  typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone        *
  lines get pretty raunchy.  However, as you'll see below,             ~*
  one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
  of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of        \O
  cyber sex.  Then again, maybe he does...                   *     |\
          _                                      _                /|
     ~0  (_|  . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_)  O       |____\|___|
    |(_~|^~~|                                  |~~^|~_)|     |`'-.:.-'`|
    TT/_ T"T                                    T"T _\HH     |_.-':'-._|
 jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   O|----:----|
                                                           /_|`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?      \/|_.-':'-._|
                                                            \|----:----|
  Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt    |`'-.:.-'`|
  and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and        |_.-':'-._|
  perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look    |----:----|
  like?                                                      |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses     |----:----|
  and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought     |`'-.:.-'`|
  from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots  |_.-':'-._|
  of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.     |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?        O|_.-':'-._|
                                                           /_|----:----|
        (          Wellhung: OK                            \/|`'-.:.-'`|
       (,)                                                  \|_.-':'-._|
     |~~'~~|       Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's   |----:----|
     |     |       soft music playing on the stereo and      |`'-.:.-'`|
  .--|_____|--.    candles on my dresser and night table.    |_.-':'-._|
'.___________.'    I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling.   |----:----|
                   My hand works its way down to your        |`'-.:.-'`|
      _,           crotch and begins to fondle your huge,    |_.-':'-._|
   .-'_|      ,    swelling bulge.                           |----:----|
  _| (_|     _|\                                    .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
(_|        (_|     Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm      ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
                   beginning to sweat.              '-'      |----:----|
                                                    .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and        ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
  kissing your chest.                               '-'      |----:----|
                                                    .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.       ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
  My hands are trembling.                           '-'      |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.                            |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it    |`'-.:.-'`|
  off slowly.                                                |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The     |`'-.:.-'`|
  cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your       O|_.-':'-._|
  bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.                       /_|----:----|
                                                           \/|`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and acci-    \|_.-':'-._|
  dentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.            |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.     |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I'll pay for it.                )\_ _/(          |`'-.:.-'`|
                                        --=(__/^\__)==-      |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.                          |----:----|
  I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising   |`'-.:.-'`|
  and falling, as I breath harder and harder.                |_.-':'-._|
      ___               ___                                  |----:----|
     / _ \          _.-'_.'   Wellhung: I'm fumbling with    |`'-.:.-'`|
     \____`-.____.-'_.-'      the clasp on your bra. I       |_.-':'-._|
          `-. . \.-'          think it's stuck. Do you have  |----:----|
      ____.-'`__/-._          any scissors?                  |`'-.:.-'`|
     / _  .-'`  '-._`-._                                     |_.-':'-._|
     \___/          '-._'-.   Sweetheart: I take your hand   |----:----|
                        `"`   and kiss it softly. I'm reach- |`'-.:.-'`|
                              ing back undoing the clasp.    |_.-':'-._|
  The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.   |----:----|
  My nipples are erect for you.                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and  |----:----|
  inspecting the clasp.                                      |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to   |----:----|
  feel your tongue all over me.                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you  |----:----|
  know, breasts. They're neat!                               |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now  |----:----|
  I'm nibbling your ear.                                     |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
    \\\\\\//    Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts    |----:----|
   \\\    \     are covered with spit and phlegm.           O|`'-.:.-'`|
   \\   <oo)                                               /_|_.-':'-._|
   \\C     \        Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.        \/|----:----|
   \\     __\                                               \|`'-.:.-'`|
   /     _\':.           Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm  |_.-':'-._|
  /     _\'..:. :.       off my breasts with the remains of  |----:----|
       /   ': : : : :.   my blouse.                          |`'-.:.-'`|
           : ' :: : :.                                       |_.-':'-._|
             . : ' .     Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping    |----:----|
                         wet blouse from you. I drop it      |`'-.:.-'`|
  with a plop.                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and      |`'-.:.-'`|
  rubbing your hard tool.                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are       |`'-.:.-'`|
  cold! Yeeee!                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                       .--------------.      |----:----|
  Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my         \-.        .-/       |`'-.:.-'`|
  miniskirt. Take off my panties.        \ \      / /        |_.-':'-._|
                                          \ \    / /         |----:----|
  Wellhung: I'm pulling off your           `-'--'-`         O|`'-.:.-'`|
  panties. My tongue is going all over,                    /_|_.-':'-._|
  in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.       \/|----:----|
                                                            \|`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: What's the matter?                             |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.       |`'-.:.-'`|
  I'm choking.                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: Are you OK?                                    |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.  |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: Can I help?                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm  |`'-.:.-'`|
  fumbling through the cabinets, looking for       ____      |_.-':'-._|
  a cup. Where do you keep your cups?           ,|`----`|    |----:----|
                                               ((|      |    |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of    \|      |    |_.-':'-._|
  the sink.                                      |      |    |----:----|
                                                 '------'    |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There,              |_.-':'-._|
  that's better.                                             |----:----|
                                                            O|`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.                      /_|_.-':'-._|
                                                           \/|----:----|
  Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.                        \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.                |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in   |_.-':'-._|
  the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom.      |----:----|
  Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?            |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.  |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: I found it.                                      |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I     |`'-.:.-'`|
  want you so badly.                                        O|_.-':'-._|
                                                           /_|----:----|
  Wellhung: Me too.                                        \/|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            \|_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately,   |----:----|
  our naked bodies pressing each other.                      |`'-.:.-'`|
    _               _                                        |_.-':'-._|
  .'_`\           .' `\     Wellhung: Your face is pushing   |----:----|
(_( \ \         (_( \ \      my glasses into my face.        |`'-.:.-'`|
      \ \             \ \     It hurts.                      |_.-':'-._|
       \ \ ____________\ \                                   |----:----|
        \.'====. = .===='.\     Sweetheart: Why don't you    |`'-.:.-'`|
        ((      ) (      ))      take off your glasses?      |_.-':'-._|
         \\____//^\\____//                                   |----:----|
          '----'   '----'      Wellhung: OK, but I can't     |`'-.:.-'`|
                              see very well without them.    |_.-':'-._|
  I place the glasses on the night table.                    |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly      O|`'-.:.-'`|
  across the room and toward the bathroom.                 /_|_.-':'-._|
                                                           \/|----:----|
  Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.                            \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling   |----:----|
  around for the toilet. I lift the lid.                     |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
      _           Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your   |----:----|
     [_]|         return.                                    |`'-.:.-'`|
     | ||.==.                                                |_.-':'-._|
     |_ ``""`)    Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling      |----:----|
 jgs  _)    (_    around for the flush handle, but I can't   |`'-.:.-'`|
                  find it. Uh-oh!                            |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: What's the matter now?                         |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry   |----:----|
  hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,  |`'-.:.-'`|
  blindly feeling my way.                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.                            O|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                           /_|_.-':'-._|
  Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know...     \/|----:----|
  thing... in your... you know... woman's thing.            \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                             |_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!                       |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. |_.-':'-._|
  I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.   |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I   |_.-':'-._|
  can't stand it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!    |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  ;;,       Wellhung: I'm flaccid.                           |_.-':'-._|
  ;;;-.                                                      |----:----|
   ';_ \    Sweetheart: What?                                |`'-.:.-'`|
  \_) \_\                                                    |_.-':'-._|
       \_)  Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incred- |_.-':'-._|
  ulous look on my face.                                     |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my     |_.-':'-._|
  wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see     |----:----|
  what's wrong.                                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                         .-'<\ />'-.        O|_.-':'-._|
  Sweetheart: No, never mind.           /    \V/    \      /_|----:----|
  I'm getting dressed. I'm putting      | ,   :   , |      \/|`'-.:.-'`|
  on my underwear. Now I'm putting      | |\  :  /| |       \|_.-':'-._|
  on my wet nasty blouse.               | ||__:__|| |        |----:----|
                                        \_/       \_/        |`'-.:.-'`|
  Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squint-     ~         ~         |_.-':'-._|
  ing, trying to find the night table.                       |----:----|
  I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair  |`'-.:.-'`|
  spray, picture frames and your candles.   ,___ ,__         |_.-':'-._|
                                            )  `\  `\        |----:----|
  Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse.     (   _ '-._'-._    |`'-.:.-'`|
  Now I'm putting on my shoes.              )_( \____)___)   |_.-':'-._|
                                                             |----:----|
  Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My   |`'-.:.-'`|
  God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain   |_.-':'-._|
  is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
                (    Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging     |_.-':'-._|
     __________ )\   off, you loser!                         |----:----|
    /         /\{,}                                          |`'-.:.-'`|
    \_________\/`'`  Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!    |_.-':'-._|
                                      Oh noooo!              |----:----|
                   (  .      )                               |_.-':'-._|
               )           (              )                 O|----:----|
                     .  '   .   '  .  '  .                 /_|`'-.:.-'`|
            (    , )       (.   )  (   ',    )             \/|_.-':'-._|
             .' ) ( . )    ,  ( ,     )   ( .               \|----:----|
          ). , ( .   (  ) ( , ')  .' (  ,    )               |`'-.:.-'`|
         (_,) . ), ) _) _,')  (, ) '. )  ,. (' )             |_.-':'-._|
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^           |----:----|
                 Sweetheart: <logged off>                    |`'-.:.-'`|
          _                                      _           |_.-':'-._|
         (_|  . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_)  O       |----:----|
    |   |^~~|                                  |~~^|~_)|     |`'-.:.-'`|
    TT   T"T                                    T"T _\HH     |_.-':'-._|
 jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   |----:----|
     _                                                 _     |`'-.:.-'`|
    (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)    |_.-':'-._|
    (_.===============================================._)    |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
    ,                A man showed some friends his apart-    |_.-':'-._|
   /(  ___________   ment.  One guest asked "What's that     |----:----|
  |  >:===========`  big brass basin for?" "That's the       |`'-.:.-'`|
   )(                talking clock," answered the man. He    |_.-':'-._|
   ""         jgs    gave it an ear shattering pound with    |----:----|
                     a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the      |`'-.:.-'`|
  other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off, it's      O|_.-':'-._|
  2 a.m., you idiot!"                                      /_|----:----|
     _                                                 _   \/|`'-.:.-'`|
    (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)   \|_.-':'-._|
    (_.===============================================._)    |----:----|
                                                             |`'-.:.-'`|
  Did you hear that many years ago, Italy almost beat the    |_.-':'-._|
  U.S. to the moon....... but they ran out of scaffolding.   |----:----|

         _                                                 _
        (_'------Suggest The Funny Bone To A Friend-------'_)
        (_.===============================================._)

 

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 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)