Text 249, 195 rader
Skriven 2004-09-30 07:35:08 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Andy Rooney's tips
==============================
 GS> AndyRooney's tips for fighting the telemarketers

Funny

 -=[28-Sep-2004 20:44, George Pope replied IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> I lost the file I once had of a game to play with telemarketers, that
 GP> gives you points for various ways of fighting them (1 pt for every
 GP> minute wasting their time with no intention to buy(2 pts if you get a
 GP> supervisor on the line)

  G-day George Pope,

  OK.. .. .. let Me have a look-see here .. .. .. searching .. .. .. .. ..

Tormenting Telemarketers

Tormenting Telemarketers.  A Game You Can Play at Home!
Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer.  The new Scourge of
the Telephone System.  Previously when the phone rang, you always wondered
if it was someone you knew, or another schmuck with something to sell. Well,
the time has come to turn the tables.  We need to take control of our own
phones.  We need to take the "market" out of Telemarketing.

Premise:
Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales.
If you talk to a whole bunch of people, someone will buy
what you are selling.

Counter-Tactic:
Waste as much of their time as you can.  For each
minute that you waste means several potential customers that
will not be reached.  Make Telemarketing unprofitable.  Hanging
up only increases the changes for them to make a sale.  Don't
let this happen!

Hints:
Most of the preliminary stuff is done by someone making
minimum wage, and reads a script.  Let them finish.  It's
easy points, and you were watching Star Trek and weren't
using your phone anyway.  It's easy to keep them interested
using "attentive grunting", similar to when your mother calls.

Scoring:

Basic Point System:

For each minute spent on the phone              10 pts.

Getting transferred to someone who makes
more than minimum wage                          15 pts

For each minute spent on the phone with
person making more than minimum wage            25 pts


Bonus Points:

Getting them to repeat part of the "script"      5 pts/each
Getting answers to stupid questions             15 pts/each
Changing the subject                            50 pts/each
Making the salesperson angry                   175 pts
Making the salesperson hang up                 750 pts
Call back, get their boss on the phone, and
tell them the salesperson hung up on you      1500 pts

Getting their 1-800- number                     10 pts
Checking the number a week later and it is
busy or disconnected                          5000 pts


Example:

Ring
Me:     Yes?
Them:   Hi, I'm with Fly-By-Night Carpet Cleaning and we're in
        your area [...]  [start clock->]
Them:   [...] would like to know it you are interested?
Me:     Sure...
Them:   Well, we are currently offering [...]
Them:   [...] depending on the size of the rooms.
Me:     Well, how much for the whole house?  [15 bonus pts!]
Them:   Let me transfer you to <???>
Them:   Sir?
Me:     Yes?  [25 pts/min!]
Them:   How large is your house?
Me:     Oh, about 2,000 sqft.
Them:   [...] Well, that would be about $xxx
Me:      [duh?]  It won't hurt the floor, will it?
Them:   Oh, no! We use a [...this usually takes some time!...]
        and is completely safe.
Me:     [duh?]  Even with my pets?
Them:   Oh, yes. The chemicals we use [...]
Me:     Do you have to pre-treat, since I have pets?
Them:   Yes, and we do that with [...]
Me:     [repeat!]  But the original offer was for $39.95, does that
        include treating for pets?
Them:   [...]
Me:     [subject change]  Well, it is kind of dirty.  The guys
        were over for the game.  Did you see the Cowboys vs. the Rams?
Them:   Yes.
Me:     What a game!  That last touchdown pass!  Wasn't that
        a great play?
Them:   Well, back to your house...
Me:     Oh yes, what about moving the furniture?
Them:   [...]
Me:     [subject change]  Do you clean furniture, too?  Those
        guys spilled some beer.  Have you smelled old beer on
        furniture before?  But what a game, eh?!  I couldn't \
        believe that they couldn't move the ball in the second
        quarter...[...]
Them:   [angry???]  Ahem... Would you like us to come out?
Me:     Well, when could you come out?
Them:   How about next week?
Me:     Hmmm...  Morning or afternoon?
Them:   Either would be fine.
Me:     Do you have anything the week after?
Them:   Sure, can I put you down for Tuesday?

  [Okay, let's try for those last big bonus points:]

Me:     Well, I don't think it matters, since I have all
        hardwood floors here!
Them:   click   Yes! 750 points!





> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Military Sponsorship

With the end of the Cold War, the U.S. military has been in
the midst of a cutback unlike anything seen since the end
of World War I. Since Congress has already spent the money
on other things - like pay raises for Congress - financing
military improvements might take some creative thinking.

In recent years, many local governments have raised funds
by selling the naming rights to public property to private
companies, leading to names like "3-Com Stadium" in San
Francisco (named after a computer networking company).

Imagine if the U.S. forces did the same thing. It could lead
to military names like:

  -   Nike 'Air Schwartzkopf' Combat Boots
  -   The Mr. Goodwrench Motorpool
  -   The Terminator II Tank
  -   The K-Mart Post Exchange
  -   Sealy Posturpedic Army Cots
  -   Conan, the Destroyer (Navy Ship Number DD-1103)
  -   Quaker Puffed Wheat 155 MM Artillery Piece
  -   Radio Shack Land Mine Detector
  -   The F4G Garden Weasel (Formerly the "Wild Weasel")
  -   Compaq Midget Submarine
  -   The Burger King Mess Hall
  -   Jeep Eagle Parachutes
  -   The SPRINT 'Dime-A-Minute' Communications Center
  -   The Land's End Catalog Supply Depot
  -   Barbasol 'Genuine Flatop' Aircraft Carriers
  -   The Tom Cruise Missile


In case you think this idea is completely crazy, here are some
names the Russians use for some of their equipment (these are
real names, mind you): "Tender-2" handcuffs and "Argument-2" saps.
The Russian's tear gas grenades come in two models: "Bird Cherry"
and "Lilac-12." And a portable device that you lay across a road
to puncture the tires of enemy vehicles is called "Hedgehog-Diana"
(apparently referring to the late Princess).


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

A Notice

A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' station saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life
are the most dangerous."

Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too...."


Cheers from,
  ICE-man      /\ Christchurch+          \ | /  Mountains, Sunshine
 Canterbury   /  \/\          |  /\     -- 0 --  Forestry, Farming
New  Zealand~/      \!!ii,,,,_*_/==\--~~~~~~~~~ First to USE 2004!!

... George. . . If it has TITS or TIRES, you gonna have trouble with it!

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)