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Möte FUNNY, 4886 texter
 lista första sista föregående nästa
Text 2974, 346 rader
Skriven 2005-11-05 08:16:32 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: He he
=================
 GP> On (02 Nov 05) Greg Sears wrote to All...
 GS>                    TAKEN FROM "1401 THINGS THAT P*SS ME OFF"
   > - ethnic restaurants where you never see any ethnics dining

       -=> George Pope Replied in a message to Greg Sears <=-

 GP> Oh we have lots of ethnics eating in our ethnic restaurants (not the
   > SAME ethnics as made the food, true, but. . .)

   G-day Mate, IN THE BEGINNING (To justify God's ways to the ethnics)


#In the beginning was the computer.  And God said

:Let there be light!

#You have not signed on yet.

:God.

#Enter user password.

:Omniscient.

#Password Incorrect.  Try again!

:Omnipotent.

#Password Incorrect.  Try again!

:Technocrat.

#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.

:Let there be light!

#Unrecognizable command.  Try again!

:Create light.

#Done.

:Run heaven and earth.

#And God created Day and Night.  And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.


#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.

:Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and

#Unrecognizable command!  Try again!

:Create firmament.

#Done.

:Run firmament.

#And God divided the waters.  And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.


#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.

:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
 and let the dry land appear and

#Too many characters in string specification!  Try again.

:Create dryland.

#Done!

:Run dryland.

#And God created Earth and Seas.  And God saw there were
 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.


#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.

:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.

#Unspecified type.  Try again!

:Create sunmoonstars.

#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were
 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54:00.


#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.

:Create fish.

#Done.

:Create fowl.

#Done.

:Run fish'nfowl.

#And God created the great seamonsters and every living creature
 that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and
 every winged fowl after its kind.  0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45:00.


#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.

:Create cattle.

#Done.

:Create creepy things.

#Done.

:Now let us make man in our image.

#Unspecified type!  Try again.

:Create man.

#Done.

:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
 and have  dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl
 of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
 earth.

#Too many command operands!  Try again.

:Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated.  6 errors.

:Insert breath.

#O.K.

:Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated.  5 errors.

:Move man to Garden of Eden.

#File Garden of Eden does not exist.

:Create Gard.En.

#Done.

:Move man to Gard.En.

#O.K.

:Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated. 4 errors.

:Copy woman from man.

#O.K.

:Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated.  3 errors.

:Insert woman into man.

#Illegal parameters.  Try again!

:Insert man into woman.

#O.K.

:Run multiplication.

#Execution terminated.  2 errors.

:Create desire.

#Done.

:Run multiplication.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the
 Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.

:Create freewill.

#Done.

:Run freewill.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the
 Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.

:Undo desire.

#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

:Destroy freewill.

#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

:Help!

#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

:Create Treeofknowledge.

#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the
 Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.

:Create good'nevil.

#Done.

:Activate evil.

#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning: System error in sector E95.  Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
#1 errors.

:Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.

#Man'nwoman cannot be located.  Try again!

:Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.

#Search failed.

:Delete shame.

#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

:Destroy freewill.

#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

:Stop!

#Unrecognizable command.  Try again.

:Break
:Break
:Break

#ATTENTION ALL USERS ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
 REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.  PLEASE
 SIGN OFF.

:Create new world.

#You have exceeded your allotted file space.  You must destroy
 old files before new ones can be created.

:Destroy earth.

#Destroy earth.  Please confirm.

:Destroy earth confirmed.

#COMPUTER DOWN.  COMPUTER DOWN.  SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY
 MARCH 8 AT 6:00 A.M.  YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!

#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#And God he had zero funds remaining.

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

   Two friends decided they would beat the draft by having all
their teeth pulled. They knew the army would not take them if
they were toothless.

   Finally the day came when they were to report to the draft
board. As they lined up they were separated by a big truck
driver who obviously had not bathed for weeks. When the first
friend stood before the sergeant for a physical examination he
told the sergeant that he had no teeth. The sergeant ran his
fingers around the man's gums and said, "All right, you have no
teeth, you're 4F."

   Next came the big, smelly truck driver. The sergeant said,
"What's wrong with you?" The truck driver replied, "I have a
terrible case of piles." The sergeant inserted his fingers in
the truck driver's ass, felt around, and said, "Yes, indeed you
do, you're 4F."

   Next came the second friend, and the sergeant said, "What's
wrong with you?" The recruit stared at the sergeant's finger.
"Nothing, Sergeant," he said. "Nothing at all."


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

  A Texarkanas truckstop waitress had had about all she could stand
of the constant banter and bragging about how big things were
in Texas.  She decided to put at least some of these texan
"Steers" in their place one night.  Picking out the biggest,
burliest truckdriver she could find, she public proclaimed,
"I'll bet EVERYTHING in Texas isn't as big as ya'll say.."
she said looking down at his crotch, "but if you can prove it
is. I'll show you the best time you ever had!"

The room went quiet and the big man blushed... "We'll lady"
he started, "I sure aint got nothin special, as a matter of
fact in the shower room they call me shorty"

Sensing victory she chided "Whats the matter you yella,
fess up!! How long is it?"  He looked down and mumbled
"th. nhs..." "What!! Speak up!!" "Three inches" he admitted
"Three inches she gasped" laughing hysterically, "my boyfriend
has six!!"  He looked up quizically and asked "From the floor!?"



.Cheers,            .:/
.                ,,///;,   ,;/
. I C E-man     o:::::::;;///
.              >::::::::;;\\\
. Still          ''\\\;,   ,;\
.       Fishing     `:\

... Cool! I figured out the Sysop's passwor$>@7& NO CARRIER

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)