Text 2988, 94 rader
Skriven 2005-11-16 12:40:58 av ceri@twmba.net
Ärende: You Might Be A Redneck Starfleet Captain If...
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From: "Rai" <ceri@twmba.net>
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You Might Be A Redneck Starfleet Captain If...
 

A Starfleet Captain Might be considered a Redneck if... 

1 - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month 

2 - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles 

3 - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob" 

4 - he refers to any intelligent alien race as "critters" 

5 - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns" 

6 - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and
    aluminum foil 

7 - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer
    section 

8 - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy?" instead of "Open
    hailing frequencies." 

9 - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen 

10 - he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle 

11 - he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack
    above it 

12 - he says "Yea Haw! Let's get this puppy movin!!!" instead of
    "Engage" 

13 - he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser 

14 - he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba" 

15 - he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster" 

16 - he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip
    greens 

17 - he paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes 

18 - he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special" 

19 - he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp" 

20 - his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale 

21 - he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen" 

22 - his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls 

23 - he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge 

24 - his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a
    meal of beans and weenies 

25 - he sets phaser to "Cajun" 

26 - he has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables 

27 - the warp reactor is coated in duct tape ,Bond-O, and Super-Glu 

28 - he orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine 

29 - he lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol 

30 - he keeps livestock in the cargo bay 

31 - he refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as "the best target
    practice I ever had." 

32 - he orders the ship into timewarp so he can have another go
    at the "Tuesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Ribs" buffet 

33 - the ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship's mascot are
    all named after his favorite movie actresses 

 


Rai
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Just as easy as 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169 


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