Text 3172, 153 rader
Skriven 2005-12-04 10:45:34 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: 69
==============
             -=> George Pope wrote to all <=-

 GP> A man is at the dentist's for a check-up.

The Effect Of Inflation On Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
how the tinsel was scattered! and twigs by the thous-
and. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care-
They were skewered with ten-penny nails, to be fair.
The children, God bless them, were snug in their beds,
With clothesline to anchor the ankles and heads.

The Wife in her housecoat, and I clad alike,
Had gone to cellar to get the new bike,
When from a dark corner arose such a clatter
I felt a strong urge to forget the whole matter.

The wife said go over and open the door;
I grabbed a stout cudgel and crept 'cross the floor
And gingerly peered through the glass to behold
A wee red-suited man, turning blue with cold.
Suppressing my dire thoughts of a communist trick,
I flung wide the portal, admitting..... St. Nick!

Poor Santa came in stamping snow from his feet
And cursing cold weather and all central heat.
"Your chimney's too small for a man of my girth"---
Which shows what the power of tradition is worth.
I asked him to stay, as the perfect host ought,
And my gimlet eyes gleamed at the parcels he brought.
Upstairs in the kitchen, hot toddy in hand,
Old Santa had both of us folks understand
That the new station wagon he'd purchased this year
To replace his eight quaint reindeer
was the poorest investment he ever had chosen--
It stalled by our house the engine plumb frozen.

My wife asked him then if the high cost of living,
Had interfered much with the job of gift-giving.
"I'd say so," quotes he. "Why, a plain roller skate is costing me $40.98
And the cheapest new belt, since inflation intruded,
Costs $11.27, all taxes included;
My labor is raising all manor of hob--
In fact, this here Christmas is too big a job."

He talked a while longer, but then had to go
When a wrecker from town came to give him a tow.
He left a tin whistle for Joey, our son,
And a watch for Matilda--I bet it won't run;
For the Wife, a new apron that makes her flesh crawl,
And a tie for yours truly completed our haul.
But I heard him exclaim, as he rolled out of sight,
"The blazes with Christmas--Tarnation is right!"

<This parody first appeared in Tarnation magazine in 1948.
The author is Dave Sharpe.>

> OBX-mas for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

    Christmas Eve in Brooklyn

'Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mellow,
Not a creature was stirrin',
I had a gun unda my pillow.

When up on da roof'
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "Ay! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But dat hairy elf Vinny,
And eight friggin' reindeer.

Wit' a bad hackin' cough,
And da stencha burped beer,
I knew in a moment
Yo, da Kringle wuz here!

Wit' a slap to dere snouts,
And a yank on dere manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Sally, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
Down came his friggin' boot
On da top a my head.

His eyes were all bloodshot,
His b.o. wuz scary,
His breath wuz like sewage,
He had a mole dat wuz hairy.

He spit in my eye,
And he twisted my head,
He soon let me know
I should consider myself dead.

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He let out some gas,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screaming,
And away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

But I heard him exclaim,
Or better yet grump,
"Merry Christmas to all, and
Bite me, ya hump!"

- Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti


> OBX-mas for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

TOP 10 UNSAFE TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS

10. Junior Electrician Outlet Patrol
 9. Hasbro's Slippery Steps
 8. Black & Decker Silly Driller
 7. Roof Hanger Paratrooper Outfit
 6. Remco's Pocket Hive
 5. Traffic Tag
 4. Will it Burn?  From Parker Brothers
 3. Chimney Explorer
 2. My First Ferret Farm
 1. Ooh- You're Blue!, the Hold-Your-Breath Game



        -=-                          -=-
     (\  _  /)                    (\  _  /)
     ( \( )/ )     I C E-man      ( \( )/ )
     (       )    Wishes You      (       )
      `>   <'  Seasons Greetings   `>   <'
      /     \    09 December 05    /     \
      `-._.-'                      `-._.-'
 

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