Text 3181, 418 rader
Skriven 2005-12-04 11:10:06 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: F.U.C.K.
====================
-=> George Pope wrote to all <=-
GP> FUCK Acronyms
Chemistry Carols
1. The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town
2. I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
3. Silent labs
4. Deck the labs
5. The twelve days of chemistry
6. Test tubes bubbling
7. O little melting particle
8. We wish you a happy halogen
9. Chemistry wonderland
10. I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
11. O come all ye gases
12. We three students of chemistry are
13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
14. Lab reports
15. Silver nitrate
1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
--------------------------------------
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
2. I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
---------------------------------------
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
3. Silent Labs
---------------
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh--how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh--Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
4. Deck the Labs
----------------
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
5. The Twelve Days of Chemistry
--------------------------------
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
6. Test Tubes Bubbling
-----------------------
(to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at your nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
7. O Little Melting Particle
-----------------------------
(to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem)
Para Dichloro Benzene
how do you melt so well?
The plateau of your cooling curve
is really something swell.
We think the heat of fusion
of water is so nice
Give up fourteen hundred cals per mole
and what you get is ice.
8. We Wish You a Happy Halogen
-------------------------------
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.
9. Chemistry Wonderland
------------------------
Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.
In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"
Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.
10. I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine
-----------------------------------------
I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree last night
They didn't sneak me down the periodic chart
to take a peek
At all the atoms reacting in their beakers;
it was neat.
And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree so bright
Oh what a reaction there would have been
if the principal had walked in
With teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night.
11. O Come all ye Gases
------------------------
O Come all yea gases
diatomic wonders
O come yea, o come yea
calls Avogadro.
O come yea in moles
6 x 10 to the 23rd
O molar mass and molecules
O volume, pressure and temperature
O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.
12. We Three Students of Chemistry Are
---------------------------------------
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.
13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule
-------------------------------
(to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?
Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!
14. Lab Reports
---------------
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Dashing through the lab
with a tan page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.
Oh, lab report, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, Hey!
Chemistry test, chemistry test
isn't it a blast
Oh what fun it is to take
a chemistry test and pass.
15. Silver Nitrate
-------------------
(to the tune of Silver Bells)
Silver nitrate, silver nitrate
it's chemistry time in the lab
Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring
soon it will be chemistry day.
Take your nitrate, in solution
Add your copper with style
In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions
silver forming, blue solution
Bringing ooh's ah's and wows
now the data processing begins.
Get the mass, change to moles
what is the ratio with copper?
Write an equation, balance it
we're glad it's Chemistry Day.
> OBX-mas for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
It was Christmas time, and the postman rings at the door for an urgent
letter. She opens the door, asking for his request. Taking the letter,
she said: "Come in, postman. I'll give you coffee and a good breakfast".
So he came in, took the meal. When he was ready, she said:
"Come on, let's go to bed now." The postman was excited, went with her
to bed, and they had fun together. Afterwards, the woman gave him a
dollar-note. So he said:" What the hell is the reason, you made breakfast
for me, went to bed with me, and know giving me a dollar? I suppose the
rest was enough!"
And she answered: "It is X-mas, and I asked my husband, what shall we
give the mailman. And he said 'F*** HIM, GIVE M A DOLLAR!'
But the breakfast was my idea...."
> OBX-mas for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
A Christmas Nightmare
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a peripheral was stirring, not even a mouse;
The modem was hung by the keyboard with care
In hopes that a download soon would be there.
The pirates were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of unprotects danced in their heads.
And Kathleen in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When up on the hard drive there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the monitor I flew like a flash,
Sat down at the keyboard, gave the spacebar a mash.
The sight on the screen, a'flicker with snow
Gave the luster of power surge to the menu below.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But an autoexec.bat that seemed rather queer.
With a little print driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I had seen a new trick.
More rapid than eagles my cursor it came;
My voice box whistled, and shouted, and called me by name.
"Now format, now rename, copy, and enter!
On num lock, on caps lock, on scroll lock, and printer.
To the top of the page, to the top of the doc,
Now tab it and bold it and merge it and block."
As utilities that build up the CPU speed
Clash with just the programs I need,
So up to the screen top the cursor it flew
With a RAM full of memory and an extension board too.
And then, in a twinkling I heard on the speaker,
The grinding of the hard drive growing much weaker.
As I tried to reboot and turn it around,
The attributes changed from blue into brown.
I hit the control, the alt, and delete.
The message it gave me, I cannot repeat.
It asked me to Ignore, Retry, or Abort.
It told me the parallel had become the comm port.
Its lights how they twinkled; its pixels how merry.
Its prompts were all scrambled, like a bowl full of cherries.
It sounded just like it wanted to blow;
The screen was suddenly white as the snow.
It scrolled the directory before my eyes
With programs I didn't even recognize.
It wouldn't see D; it wouldn't see E.
I couldn't get out of B into C.
Norton's tried to read it;
It finally found the FAT;
But alas!, the disk was faulty,
And couldn't reformat.
Away flew the DBase;
Away flew the Doses;
Away flew the WordStar;
Right out with the Windows.
The spreadsheets were spreading;
The footers were heading;
What once had been memory
Was close to forgetting.
When the grinding was over
And the smoke had all cleared,
I looked at the unit,
And it was just as I feared.
The 40 meg wonder had crashed in the night.
I'll never be able to block out that sight!
So tell everyone to avoid my plight;
Back up! Back up! Merry Christmas! Good Night!
By: Kathleen Kultgen Horner
Waco, Tx
-=- -=-
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( \( )/ ) I C E-man ( \( )/ )
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`> <' Seasons Greetings `> <'
/ \ 09 December 05 / \
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