Text 3275, 100 rader
Skriven 2005-12-20 09:00:38 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Merry Fucking Ho Ho!
================================
   -=[19-Dec-2005 12:44; George Pope was saying F unny stuff to all]=-

 GP>               MERRY CHRISMAS!

  Seasons Greetings George Pope, have you read this one. . . .

                        Emergency Room Humor
                            Point System

                      DIRTBALL TRAUMA SCALE

2pts   Blood Alcohol 0.10 - 0.15
4pts   Blood Alcohol 0.15 - 0.30
8pts   Blood Alcohol > 0.30
1pt    Riding motorcycle
5pts   Riding motorcycle, no helmet
1pt    Known by at least 5 people in E.D.
1pt    Per tattoo
1pt    Last bath more than two weeks ago
1pt    40 or more pounds overweight
3pts   "Beached Whale" Alert!
1pt    Biker T-shirt
1pt    Wears wallet on chain
1pt    Beard 2" or longer
2pts   Known seizure disorder, secondary to previous closed head trauma-
       does not know name of medication that he's not taking
1pt    Currently pregnant - unsure of father
1pt    Routinely vomits 2 or more times daily
1pt    'Bad Back' - must be lifted by staff for all X-Rays
1pt    Allergic to: ASA, Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Codeine, Darvon
1pt    Allergic to Quell
2pts   Previously shot or stabbed - Per scar
1pt    Hx of PID or STD - Per episode
1pt    Per abortion
1pt    Misses two or more clinic appointments per year
1pt    Per case over 1 case of beer per week
1pt    Per carton over 2 cartons of cigarettes per week
1pt    Per league over two leagues bowled per week
1pt    Education less than 10th grade
1pts   Sells blood once a month
1pt    Has two children with the same first name
2pts   On disability
3pts   Spouse in jail
5pts   Each spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend in jail
1pt    Local Doctor listed as NLD or gives E.D. Physician name.
5pts   Uses phone in E.D. to call ambulance because he knows his welfare
       will pay for it
1pt    Offers you a good deal on watch or radio
2pts   Incontinent in socks
5pts   Arrives in E.D. wearing no shoes or socks, outside temp is  32o F


             Chances of Survival in Multiple Trauma

0 -5 Points: 50%      5-12 Points: 75%      Over 12 Points: 100%

RAUL'S LAW: SURVIVABILITY IS DIRECTLY DISPROPORTIONATE TO SOCIAL WORTH

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant


       Bad Ideas In Advertizing

The Schindler's List Coloring Book
The Over-The-Counter Impotence Cure
Adolph Hitler Kosher Products
David Duke Jheri Curl System
Aldrich Ames Home Security System
Be The Bobbits Home Game
The James Taylor Guide To Happiness
KKK Bed Sheets
The Roseanne Barr Playboy
Tonya Harding Camp for Competitive Ice Skating
Nancy Kerrigan Camp for Good Sportsmanship
Rush Limbaugh Home Fitness Center
Delta Burke Diet System
Marlee Matlin Home Stereo Systems
Jack Kevorkian Life Insurance Company
River Phienox Night Club Guide
Pee Wee Herman Theater Guide
Bill Clinton Dominant Male Guide
Marlburo Running Team
Klaus Von Buhlo Pharmacuticals
Jeffery Dahmer Cookbook/Disection Kit
Dan Quayle Edition Hooked On Phonics
Kennedy Bulletproof Vests
Jim Morrison Bathtub Kit
Leona Helmsly Tax Guide
Manuel Noriega Skin Care System

Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

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 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)