Text 4025, 90 rader
Skriven 2006-04-25 07:44:26 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: Bone
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's FUNNY BONE Collection Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 24

                      Products We Probably Don't Need


  Electric Shocking Pager

  Your employees will never forget a meeting with these helpful reminders
  strapped to their bodies.  This unbreakable device will deliver a pain-
  ful electric shock to notify them of all pending appointments and
  approaching deadlines.  Not legal for use on livestock.

           _.--..--._              Shrieking Sonic Mind Mangler
         .'  ( )( , .`'.
       .' ,( ' )(   )  )'.         Put on this sleek "virtual reality"
       (  )  . )(  ) ( , )         helmet and you're guaranteed to clear
      ( ') .(  )(   ) ( . )        your mind in under a minute!  Blinding
      |`-..__  ^^ ' __..-'|        strobe lights and screeching stereo-
      |      `~~~~~`      |        phonic sirens will overwhelm your
      |    .=~~= =~~=.    |        senses in a cacophony of stimuli.
      |    .-''-.-''-.    |        Requires 10 D batteries, not included.
      |   /_____|_____\   |
   .--'     (o ) (o )     '--.     Stress Enhancement Tapes
  /  _        /   \        _  \
  | (_       /     \       _) |    Don't lull yourself to complacent
  \         |       |         /    slumber with sounds of ocean waves and
   '--. \'--\       /--'/ .--'     forest breezes; pop in these jarring
       \ \   '-----'   / /         cassettes and keep your edge!  Feel
        \ '. .--.--. .' /          your skin crawl as the sound of braking
         \  `'-----'`  /           trolley cars, multi vehicle highway
          '-.       .-'            accidents, and low-flying jets assaults
     jgs     )'---'(               your ears on the Urban Rhythms tape.
                                   Thrill to the sounds of screeching
  howler monkeys defending their territory on Shrieks of Nature!  Forty-
  seven tapes in all.  Hurry!  Supplies are limited.

  The Enchanted Chalkboard

  Spend a thrilling evening with Itchi,          _______________________
  Peruvian master of the Musical Chalkboard,    |\_____________________/|
  as his talented fingernails scratch out       ||                     ||
  your favorite tunes on this four album        ||  _       _          ||
  collection.  Every hair on your body will     || / )     / ) __  |_| ||
  stand on end during his half-hour scraped     ||  /  -|-  /  --    | ||
  rendition of Moon River.  Be moved to         || `==     `==       ' ||
  tears by his masterful two-handed inter-      ||              _____  ||
  pretation of Chariots of Fire.  Perfect       ||______________#####__||
  for the office!                           jgs |/_____________________\|

  FlossTracker

  How many times has this happened to you: you just gorged yourself on
  roast beef and corn on the cob, yet you discover you're now out of
  dental floss!  Well, you'll never be without floss again with
  FlossTracker, the advanced software solution from FlossWare.  Record
  your hourly flossing activity in the Spreadsheet Module to generate an
  exhaustive statistical profile of your floss consumption, complete with
  three-dimensional distribution plots and histograms.  FlossTracker will
  even monitor your current floss inventory, projecting your floss needs
  for the coming weeks and automatically ordering additional floss as
  necessary from the nearest FlossWare Regional Distribution Center.
  FlossTracker requires a Pentium PC with 32MB of RAM, 1.2GB of storage
  space, an atomic clock, a Romulan cloaking device, and Windows 95.
                          __
                        .'  '.
                       :      :
                       | _  _ |
                    .-.|(o)(o)|.-.        _._          _._
                   ( ( | .--. | ) )     .',_ '.      .' _,'.
                    '-/ (    ) \-'     / /' `\ \ __ / /' `\ \
                     /   '--'   \     / /     \.'  './     \ \
                     \ `"===="` /     `-`     : _  _ :      `-`
                      `\      /'              |(o)(o)|
                        `\  /'                |      |
                        /`-.-`\_             /        \
                  _..:;\._/V\_./:;.._       /   .--.   \
                .'/;:;:;\ /^\ /:;:;:\'.     |  (    )  |
               / /;:;:;:;\| |/:;:;:;:\ \    _\  '--'  /__
          jgs / /;:;:;:;:;\_/:;:;:;:;:\ \ .'  '-.__.-'   `-

         _                                                 _
        (_'------Suggest The Funny Bone To A Friend-------'_)
        (_.===============================================._)

 

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