Text 4198, 203 rader
Skriven 2006-05-20 08:27:20 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Laffaway
====================
Echo: FUNNY
Date: 12-May-2006 06:58
Read:" Laffaway "
George Pope Put A SMILE on all's DIAL #[:-)]
GP> After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the
> obstetrician.
George Pope, Have you read this one. . . .
A Kind of Summary of the Eighties Maybe...
The long simmering darkness of dank Reaganism has been replaced by a
thousand points of light and a kinder and more gentle manner of
government. Rubbish in the streets has been replaced by, well, even
more rubbish in the streets. A presidential drug buy in the park just
across the street from the White House could not be properly
conducted...on the part of the government. And taxes are paying for
all of this.
Through a thorough yet very gradual increase, no one actually feels
greedier or more ruthless than in any earlier decade, yet we have the
Housing and Urban Development scandal involving hundreds of those who
urged us to vote for Reagan. NOW, we know why, THEN, we just
wondered. The United States shows signs of being a country in which
common sense and honesty are to going to be allowed to prevail for long,
at least not in the housing market.
One must do serious academic research to find more people who knew less
about so much as happened when this land sold armaments to the
Ayatollah. President Reagan, our Commander and Chief did not know that
we were selling hundreds of tons of war materials to an avowed enemy.
Vice President Bush did not know President Reagan, did not know we sold
armaments, did not know where Iran was located, did not know we had an
Army, Navy or Airforce, and certainly thus forgot the Marines. He seems
to have survived with some sort of knowledge that he was married, but
beyond that it is murky. A man who actually was a Marine, and shows us
why, in vivid color, the Marines need just a few good men, Col. Oliver
North, was in charge of our foreign policy. He wrote it, put it in
effect, and in effect he told no one else about it. Of course, some
speculated that maybe President Reagan knew that tons of ammunition were
being given to Iran, but given the President's penchant for napping, it
is highly possible that the President did not know. Admiral Secord knew,
but he did not tell, and when asked, he would not answer.
Oliver North, when caught with the facts, denied everything, and said
that he was merely carrying out orders, but then he denied that he knew
who gave him the orders he was carrying out. No one could be found that
said they issued orders, yet Col. North was carrying these out. This
somehow seemed a bit out of the ordinary and a congressional
investigation followed. As is the custom, everyone involved said they
had nothing to say, since if they said anything, they would say too
much, so no one said anything, but a report was issued which went on for
several thousand pages and cost the tax payers a real bundle.
Jerry Falwell, a man hardly friendly to the idea of saints in the
Catholic Church, switched fields and declared Oliver North the first
saint in the Independent Baptist Church. A fund raising drive, and of
course with this a video tape, were offered to anyone willing to send in
a considerable amount of money to help this soldier with amnesia, who
when making the tape seemed to remember everything.
Cellular telephones came into their own. Now it is not at all uncommon
to see someone driving, on the phone. The real status symbol is to call
someone in their car and get a recording, telling you they are on the
other line, and would you please call back! And laptop computers have
also come into theirown. Now, no matter where you go, you can't escape
computers. This, in the eyes of many, is progress.
The art of inter-personal communication was additionally eroded by the
sale of no less than ten million Walkman models of one or another kind.
People simply are tuned in to a number of things, but few of whatever
it is that they are tuned into are people. Nowadays, often when a
person responds to a question, it is with a grunt. The folks just no
longer know how to communicate in words. There is even a model out now,
for the shower. It is of some consolation to knowthat these folks
bathe.
Gasoline prices went all over the place but stayed loyal to the general
principle of upward ever upward, so that travel became more expensive
and heating your home with oil increased. All of this gave truckers
thousands of hours of conversation on their citizens band radios,
guessing why the prices went up. Mainly, the cause was found in the
desire of those who produce the oil to make more money.
There were a few rather serious disasters. Sam Walton, the owner of
Wal-Mart lost billions of dollars, and he did this overnight. One
morning he was worth $ 8.3, and the next morning, he was worth only $5.7
Billion. It's enough to drive most of us to the bread line at the
Salvation Army. But Sam took it well and went back to work, to make
more money.
So many companies changed hands during this past decade that a separate
sheet would be required even for a partial listing of the larger
transactions. All of these without exception represented increased
costs to the consumer and immense profits to the investor or investors.
Now you buy cookies from a cigarette manufacturer and cheese as well.
No one is quite sure who owns what any longer.
Exxon tried to pour oil on untroubled waters and thereby generated a
great deal of trouble. No matter what the company did after that, it
was not appreciated. The oil remained where it was spilled, since it
shows itself to be next to impossible to pick up. Otter lovers and
whale supporters had a veritable field day at the expense of Exxon.
About the only thing this did for most Americans was to raise the price
of gasoline. Hundreds of thousands were thereby touched - at least in
their wallets.
The nation learned that R-E-L-I-E-F is not always spelled Rolaids. This
year, it was spelled TRIAL, and when it was over, Jim Bakker went to
prison for 45 years as a government guest. This was a partial solution
to a public problem. We can still see Tammy Faye crying, the
possibility has not been removed.
The year came to an end with no solution to the problems of Jimmy
Swaggart, who still faces a lawsuit in the amount of $ 90 Million. And
Oral Roberts, for all the promises of what seed money will do for you,
closed down the "City of Faith," a 60/30/20 story complex which a "900
feet Jesus" had told him to build. Every year must have its zanies.
President George Bush has put in a year as President, and invaded only
Panama. This deprives Americans of seeing a sick dictator and moral
despot wave his arms in the air like he was appreciated. It is something
we will all have to learn to live without, despite our joy at seeing
this imp do his stuff.
And the Vatican will have many fine stories to tell using the theme
"Guess who came to dinner?" In Panama, the Vatican performed the
service of kenneling the pit bull that previously bit it. At long last
there not so honored guest left, to no one's sorrow and the great joy of
the Americans and Panamanians.
Of course the really big news in 1989 had to be the sudden and somewhat
unexpected dissolution of the Communist world. Starting with Tiananmen
Square in June, Communism was in trouble in East German, Hungary,
Bulgaria, Romania, Poland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Georgia, Armenia,
Ajerbijan and a few other places. Albania remained staunch in the
faith, as did Cuba, but most other places were about to throw in the
towel. Vietnam remains Communist, but it is not going anywhere.
> OBJokes: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant
A new medical finding indicates that exercise is one thing that can kill
germs relatively easily. The difficult aspect of this finding is getting
the germs to take exercise voluntarily.
Oh ---------------------------------------
Eat what you do not want, drink what you do not like. Limit what you
like to very little. This will keep you healthy, according to the
theory. It will also prolong your life, according to experts. It may
not, but it certainly will seem that way.
Oh ---------------------------------------
Well, my doctor finally found out what I had, after a number of visits,
and in the end, he got every penny of it. I guess it is fair to say
that I am cured, but at the same time, my savings account died a
horrible death.
Oh ---------------------------------------
Sure, doctors make house calls, but for many doctors such a call is only
done in conjunction with the foreclosure of your mortgage.
Oh ---------------------------------------
What is:
Gooooo, Goooo, Click, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Yaaaaa, Yaaaaa, Tick,
Tick, Tick, Ding.
Baby playing IN a Microwave.
What is:
Gooooo, Gooooo, Click, Yaaaaa, Yaaaaaa, Whirrrrrr, Whirrrrrr.
Baby playing IN a Bender.
What is:
peck, peck, peck, BANG, peck, peck, peck BANG??
A chicken in a mind field...
What is:
I got it.....I got it.....I got it.....I got it......
A blind guy with a rubicks cube...
What is:
Bop, Bop, Bop, YELL, smush...
Someone plucking a baby's soft spot on his head
._ _.
Cheers /(. .)\ )
from (*)____/Ý
I / Ý
C / Ý--\ Ý
E-man (_)(_) (_) AWGTHTGTTSA
... Cool! I figured out the Sysop's passwor$>@7& NO CARRIER
--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
* Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)
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