Text 4255, 131 rader
Skriven 2006-05-25 04:26:04 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Kevin Taylor
Ärende: Re: What Gender Is Your Computer?
=========================================
        Kevin Taylor was saying F unny stuff to  All  

 KT> A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
   > unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
   > feminine.
 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< C U T >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 KT> The women won.


      THE LSD EUROVISION SHAG CONTEST


  Yes, its that time of year again.  A time for the countries of Europe
(and South Africa) to get together; a time for cultural and lingual
barriers to be broken; a time for us to prove we're great; but above
all, a time for Terry Wogan to have a laugh at the expense of some
foreigners.

  Yes, the Eurovision Song Contest is upon us once more!  And now its
time to recreate these times as WE invite YOU to play;


     THE EUROVISION SHAG CONTEST.

  We all know Britain has it's share of fit birds, but how does it
compare with the muff in Europe (and South Africa)?  Well, we asked a
number of LSD members to scour these countries and find the best
EURO-SHAG.

  We sent MUB, DEADBEAT, DATA, WATCHMAN and finally (would you believe)
ECHO on their travels with only a camera and a box of "Big Man Extra
Large Industrial Strength Ribbed Flavored Edible Condoms" for company.
Here are their votes and conclusions.


                 MUB

        GERMANY        -  10/10
        ITALY          -  3/10
        SWEDEN         -  9/10
        MALTA          -  3/10
        FRANCE         -  0/10

  COMMENT: Blimey!  And I thought Germany was full of fat of sows.  How
wrong I was!  They're great.  They wear black stockings and suspenders,
and these Basques with swastika's on the tits.  And they'll let you do
'owt!  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't won the
wars.  Perhaps we'd have crumpet like that over here.


               DEADBEAT

         GERMANY        -  9
         SPAIN          -  5
         ISRAEL         -  4
         SWEDEN         -  10
         FRANCE         -  0

  COMMENT:  Phwooar!  These Swedish birds really know what's what.
Whips, chains, farmyard animals - anything goes!  I think I'll be
"coming" here again.


                 DATA

         BELGIUM        -  7
         AUSTRIA        -  7
         TURKEY         -  6
         DENMARK        -  6
         FRANCE         -  0

  COMMENT: Oh God.  Trust me to go to France.  All the birds over there
have got moustaches and smell of onions.  No thanks.


               WATCHMAN

        GREECE         _1-  N/A
        PORTUGAL       -  N/A
        CYPRUS         -  N/A
        YUGOSLAVIA     -  N/A
        BIRMINGHAM     -  10

  Unfortunately WATCHY, the dirty little bastard, only got as far as the
bus stop before he met some blonde sort, and went back to her place.
However, we did manage to get a comment;  UH  UH  UH     AH   AHHH  AHH!

                 ECHO

        GRANTHAM        -  N/A
        GRANTHAM        -  N/A
        GRANTHAM        -  N/A
        GRANTHAM        -  N/A
        LONDON          -  10

  Unfortunately, it looks like ECHO wasn't the best choice to go on an
international jaunt, as it's now been discovered his mum won't let him
cross the road on his own.  However, he did submit a vote, after
accepting a lift from a man in a mac who promised to take him to see
some puppies...

  So there you have it.  After this rather pointless, and rather
obvious attempt to stir some sort of controversy, its a tie between
SWEDISH tarts and GERMAN tarts.  It all really depends on what you want:
Animal Antics and it's Sweden for you, or Kinky underwear and stuff, and
its Germany.  So, the next time you're in bed with INGA and SHEP, or
getting spanked with a photo of Hitler, remember where you read it
first.

  Oh, and it looks like FRANCE is bottom of the list in the sex stakes.
However, if any country feels badly done-to, you can lodge an appeal
with the Editorial Staff.  Simply send details of a willing tart, along
with an airline ticket to your country.  After both PAZZA and TORCH have
had full intercourse with her, a new decision will be made.


  READERS MAY ALSO LIKE TO KNOW THAT THERE IS A VIDEO AND MAGAZINE
ACCOMPANYING THIS ARTICLE.  TO RECEIVE YOUR COPIES, SIMPLY SEND 25
POUNDS TO TORCH AT THE USUAL ADDRESS.  PLEASE MARK YOUR ENVELOPES
"RATHER PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO GET SOME MONEY".



... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)