Text 4274, 304 rader
Skriven 2006-05-25 09:45:00 av Nathan Prugh
Ärende: blonde joke (5)
=======================
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles,
and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and
she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland
than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The
redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam
out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was
too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!
I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles,
ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So
she swam back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her
about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can
fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the
priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and
talk slower?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic genie's lamp
t he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said,
"I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I
wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said
"I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confucius say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to
screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She
explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his
torch and says "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's
fitted with arms."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a
Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was
OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.
His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while,
and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments
he finally agrees.
So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes
in.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice
safe sex). She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of
rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh,"
said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and
tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use
the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black
dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one
before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are
your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never
had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo,
one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Imitation of a blonde refueling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he
had
just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish
his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right
before
drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks
it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in
and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and
Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
"How do you give shoulders?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The
announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad
enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde
out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out
and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If
I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals
(or for Bill Clinton capitols). She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know
all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face!!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favoring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I'll get a life when it is proven Troy C. Belding
and substantiated to be better ST17Y@JETSON.UH.EDU
than what I am currently
experiencing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Spell Checked and reformatted by Nathan Mates (nathan@cco.caltech.edu)
--- SLMAIL v5.1 (#SLO409KEDG15G098)
* Origin: bbs.internetking.com.mx (1:138/392)
|