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Skriven 2006-05-27 08:28:48 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
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       Nathan Prugh was entering F unny stuff to  All  

 NP>      Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
   >      them decides to call 911:

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=     DOCUMENTING   USELESS   PROGRAMS     =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
                                   By:  Scoop

Since the beginning of computers,  it has become a well established fact
that many programs need documentation.  Any idiot can sit down with a
well written program and run it without an instruction manual.  It takes
a bloody Rocket Scientist to understand a program that has no menus or
help screens.  People who are able to do this never cease to amaze me.

The programs that have the menus and built-in help screens are usually
the same ones that have the largest and most complete owner's manuals.
Between the help files built into the program, and the book that came
with the program,  you now have the proverbial over-kill of
documentation.

Now come the games that have and need no documentation like Test Drive
or the old standard Break-Out.  A moron knows how to steer a tricycle so
Test Drive is of no particular challenge.  Break-Out can be figured out
while you pick your nose (or seat) with one hand,  and diddle your
joystick with your other. This brings me to another interesting theory
that I have formulated about the computer masterbater who decided on the
name "Joystick".  He probably devised that clever little name while he
was in the bathroom,  with the door locked.

The secret to becoming a successful Program Document Specialist is to
write the documents for programs that have no value or need for
explanation.  This secret has been kept from the public for many years
due to a fiendish plot by IBM and Ronco Toys.  Ronco was the original
brain behind the K-Tel marketing strategy of writing intricate and often
difficult programs for the user.  This left the user in a state of
frenzy and prompted him to spend many extra dollars in book stores
buying a book written by someone with as little intelligence as you, in
order to better understand the worthless software that he now possessed.

There is BIG money in being able to put onto paper the words that
describe a method of being able to properly get the most out of a
software program.  The average Document Specialist will write a 400 page
book about how to use Lotus 123 or Multi-Mate word processor.  It takes
a special person to be able to put into typed words,  many pages of
useless or stupid programs.  To get your feet wet at this technique,
you may want to start off with a 10 or 20 page document on  "How to
Properly Turn On Your Computer."  If you can handle that, next try  "How
to Properly Turn Off Your Computer".

Your final step is to find an extremely simple program that you
currently own. Run it a few times to make sure that you understand all
about it.  You are now ready to document it.  Make sure that it is as
simple as simple can be.  First choose a name for your document.  Let's
say that you are documenting PAC MAN. Choose title  something like  "The
Complete Instructions and Full Documents for The Understanding and The
Playing of PAC MAN"   A title like that, it sounds very official!

When writing your document,  it is extremely important for you to keep
in mind that the mushballs who will be trying to read and understand
your documentation will be suffering from "diminished thinking".  Most
of them will have had great difficulty graduating from a dog obedience
school!  Keep your Docs VERY simple, and do not omit the smallest step.
Follow this informative guideline:


             "The Complete Instructions and Full Documents for
               The Understanding and The Playing of PACK MAN"

                   By:  Rudy Razzelem  &  David Dazzelem


Step 1: Carefully turn on your computer. If you encounter a problem,
        first check to make sure that it is plugged in. If you still are
        having a problem, turn on a light or any other electrical
        appliance in your house (or apartment if applicable) and see if
        the electric company has turned off your power for non-payment.
        This problem usually is found in households where people have
        over-spent on computers and the software needed to support their
        new habit.

Step 2: Locate where you have put your PAC MAN game.  If it is on your
        Hard Drive,  go to the directory where the program resides.  If
        you keep it on a floppy disk, locate that disk.  Once you have
        located the proper disk, insert it into your floppy disk drive.

        IMPORTANT NOTE! Only one disk at a time may be inserted into a
        floppy drive!  If there is currently a disk in the drive, you
        must first make sure that you remove it BEFORE the next disk is
        inserted! Carefully look at the disk before you insert it into
        the drive. Make sure that the BIG hole in the disk is going in
        first, and that the disk is right side up.  Failure to do so can
        result in the permanent damage to your floppy drive!  Permanent
        damage to your floppy drive can result in the damage other
        disks, and those damaged disks can damage other good floppy
        drives.

Step 3: After inserting the proper disk,  close the drive door and type
        the word  DIR  on your keyboard.  This will produce a menu of
        the files that are on that disk. Carefully look for files that
        have extensions that end with .BAT .COM .EXE  These files will
        start the game for you.  The file named "PAC-MAN.BAT" would be
        preferred over the file "PAC-MAN.COM"  or  "PAC-MAN.EXE".  TYPE
        PAC-MAN.BAT  and press your ENTER/RETURN key to start the game.
        Please note that it says to PRESS the key.  It does not say HIT,
        BANG or PUNCH !!!  A keyboard has many delicate switches and
        should not be abused.

Step 4: Once PAC-MAN has started,  simply move the man on the screen
        around with the keys or your joystick and try to accumulate as
        many points as possible. Remember that this is only a game and
        if you encounter an unusual level of frustration, shut off your
        computer, and immediately contact your Psychiatrist about your
        situation.

By now you should totally understand how to document programs that do
not need documenting.  You are now ready to enter the fashionable and
lucrative career field of program documenting.

Editors FINAL Note:  If think that this article is useless and/or
stupid, then keep this in mind;  You are the moron who just wasted your
time reading it! If you enjoyed this article,  look for our next
informative articles entitled: "How to PARTY With Those Wild And Crazy
Amish People", and the ever popular "The Handbook For The Recently
Divorced Wife".



... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
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