Text 4322, 81 rader
Skriven 2006-05-27 08:48:56 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Nathan Prugh
Ärende: Re: Iraq Beer joke
==========================
       Nathan Prugh was entering F unny stuff to  All  

 NP> TROOPS IN SAUDI ARABIA DESERVE SOME BEER

He is so cheap:
 -After shaking your hand he counts his fingers.
 -Before counting his money he gets drunk so he'll see double.
 -Before he buys drinks for the house, he makes sure he is the only
  one at the bar.
 -Even his 8 by 10 photos are only 7 by 9.
 -Even if he were in a canoe he wouldn't tip.
 -For supper he sits on the porch and bites his lips.
 -He always counts his money in front of a mirror so he won't
  cheat himself.
 -He always licks his eyeglasses after eating grapefruit.
 -He always swallows his food without chewing so he won't wear
  out his teeth.
 -He always takes long steps to save on shoe leather.
 -He always washes his paper plates.
 -He always wears mittens so money won't slip through his fingers.
 -He bought his daughter a doll house with a mortgage on it.
 -He called up his girl to find out which night she would be free.
 -He decided to become a divorce lawyer so he could get women free.
 -He even stops his watch to save time.
 -He fed his cat salted peanuts so it would drink water instead of milk.
 -He gave his children violin lessons so they wouldn't have to
  get haircuts.
 -He gave his wife a one-month subscription to Reader's Digest.
 -He heats his knives so he won't use too much butter.
 -He is tighter than the top olive in the bottle.
 -He keeps a moth as a pet because it only eats holes.
 -He keeps his fingernails extra short so he has a hard time
  picking up a check.
 -He married a girl born February 29th, so he only had to buy her
  a birthday present every four years.
 -He married a skinny girl so he could buy a small wedding ring.
 -He never eats asparagus in a restaurant so he won't have to leave
  tips.
 -He never wears suspenders or a belt so he has to keep his hands
  in his pockets.
 -He rides the subway during rush hours to get his clothes pressed.
 -He opened his wallet once and three months flew out.
 -He puts glue in his mustache so his kisses will last longer.
 -He quit golf when he lost his ball.
 -He says his prayers once a year and the rest of the year he only says:
  "ditto."
 -He spends hours in front of his TV set, but he will never turn it on.
 -He takes his electric razor to the office to recharge it.
 -He tears the month of December off his calendar to fool his children.
 -He told his kids that Santa Claus doesn't make house calls anymore.
 -He took out fire insurance on his cigars.
 -He uses the same calendar year after year.
 -He walks his date to a drive-in movie.
 -He will never finish his soup so that he won't have to tip the bowl.
 -He won't even give his wife an argument.
 -He won't even let you borrow trouble.
 -He won't even tip his hat.
 -He won't send his pajamas to the laundry unless he has a pair
  of socks stuck in the pocket.
 -He would come over and borrow a flag on July 4th.
 -He would never even pass the buck.
 -The only thing he every gave away was a secret.
 -The only thing he ever saved for a rainy day was his vacation.
 -The only thing he ever threw out was the bill collector.
 -To save money on his laundry bill, he puts soap flakes in all his
  pockets and walks through a carwash once a week.
 -When he pays you a compliment he asks for a receipt.
 -When he says he's eating out he means eating on the fire escape.
 -When he sends Christmas cards they read: "A Merry Christmas for
  all coming years!"



... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

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