Text 4345, 107 rader
Skriven 2006-05-29 01:25:12 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: Assorted
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From: "Roy McNeill"

(copied from our local newspaper)

    A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love, and is going
to get married. He says: "Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over two
other female friends in addition to my fiancee, and you can try to guess
which one I'm going to marry."
    The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them on the couch, and they chat for a while. He then says: "OK, Ma. Guess
which one I'm going to marry."
    She immediately replies, "The redhead in the middle."
    "That's amazing, Ma, you're right. How did you know?"
    "I don't like her."
_____________________________________

MEN STRIKE BACK:

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet that men?
A: It's one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to
the sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
_____________________________________

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know that her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%. It's called a wedding cake.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy
nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he
tied her up and went golfing.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband, Suddenly, her
husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said. "CAREFUL!  Put in some
more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!  Turn
them!  TURN THEM NOW!  We need more butter! Oh my GOD!  WHERE are we going
to get MORE BUTTER?  They're going to STICK! Careful, CAREFUL!  You NEVER
listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always
forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!  THE SALT!" The wife stared
at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to
fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied: "I wanted to show you what it feels like when
I'm driving."
_____________________________________
(and a couple from the other side...)

Marrige is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other
is a husband.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door, and shouted at the top of her lungs: "Honey,
pack your bags! I won the damn lottery!"  The husband said: "Oh my God! What
sould I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"  "Doesn't matter," she said.
"Just get the hell out."

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