Text 4734, 101 rader
Skriven 2006-12-06 19:49:00 av Greg Sears
Ärende: bofh
============
The Bastard Operator from Hell #5

   I'm bored senseless, so I pass the time by reading users email.  I
   must admit that today's lot is PARTICULARLY boring, not one good
   message in all of them. I was expecting at LEAST some veiled
   reference to a grope in a storeroom, but nothing.  So I'm bored
   senseless by the usual drivel about some relative's surgery and how
   the weather is over the other side of the world - that sort of
   crap.

   To relieve the boredom, I remove a e-mail party invite from a
   user's mail and post it under the senders username to to
   alt.singles.with.severe.social. dysfunctions on news, and make a
   note in my diary to be there with my camcorder.  Should be a blast!

      Next in line is the online medical records database, in which
   the company doctors store the current medical histories of the
   staff.  I grep it quickly for "herpes" and "syphillus" and send the
   results to the local scum newspaper. I cover my tracks by adding an
   entry to one of the doctor's online electronic diarys for yesterday
   saying "$500, Med Recs To Paper"  I think that's all it should
   take..  That'll be the last time he doesn't shift appointments to
   make room for me..

   I move some tapes from the racks to the trolley to make it look
   like we really use them, then start looking thru archie listings
   for a hidden x-gif site.  I find one then start a batch job running
   under some user's account to get them all  back,  charged to him.
   I make sure he's got enough disk for the job by removing any files
   not related to the task at hand.  Like all those "Doctorate Final
   Report" papers that have got quite large in the last couple of
   weeks.

   I go back to the mail now, as something's bound to have happened.
   I do a grep on all mail files for the words  "pregnant"  and
   "family way",  and post them anonymously to the local general
   interest newsgroup.

   Then, before anything can happen, the power goes out!  The next
   second, the phone rings.

   "Hello?" I say, annoyed - the coyote was just about to kill
   roadrunner again!

   "Has the comput.."

   I hang up.  This is a matter of life or death.  Quick as I can I
   rip the computer power cable out of the UPS and plug the TV in.
   Damn!  Wylie missed again!

   Meantime, all the alarms are going off like crazy as the disks spin
   down, but that's ok, because my Mac and Terminal are hardwired to
   the UPS in any case; and I'm at the Beer Factory level in Dark
   Castle too!

   The phone rings, so I pull the PABX breaker on the UPS switchboard
   and it stops.  Now to look like I'm working.  I break out the puck
   and the hockey stick and play a little one-on-wall.  From the
   observation window it'll look like I'm being blindingly efficient,
   as per usual.

   10 Minutes later, the power is back and we're two HDA's down, but
   what the hell, I haven't lost a man, I'm onto the final screen, and
   there's more cartoons!

   The phone rings, it's a luser.  (What a surprise)

   "Computer Room" I say, being efficient

   "Hello, When will the compu..."

   I hang up.

   I'm doing well in the screen, all I need do is get past the wizard
   who throws spells at you and I'm in!

   The phone rings again.  I put it on hands free

   "Computer Room" I shout, still deep in the game.

   "I've lost my files" a user whines over the loudspeaker

   "You bet you have" I say, as my concentration lapses just long
   enough for me to get zapped by the wizard.

   "What was your username?" I say, all sweetness and smiles

   He tells me, I look, and he's right.  Shit, and I didn't even do
   it!

   Not to be outdone, I change his login directory to the null device,
   set his path to "." and redefine the command "news" to execute a
   script in his old login directory to send a nasty message to the
   equal opportunities officer, then delete itself.

   Now that's trying!

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