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Möte FUNNY, 4886 texter
 lista första sista föregående nästa
Text 487, 169 rader
Skriven 2004-10-23 22:35:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av CINDY HAGLUND
Ärende: Fake Orgasm Check List
==============================
CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex?
CH>  DC> A. They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time.
CH>
CH>  No they're dreaming he's twice as big and I don't mean fat.
CH> .........................

Well, PART of him being 'fat', though, eh? heh

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?
CH>  DC> A. Because They Think We Care.
CH>
CH>  No. Well yeah you don't care but she's just being polite.

Yeah, it's the polite way for her to say, "Get the #@%@# off of me, you fat
drunken pig!"

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Fart After They Pee?
CH>  DC> A. They Can't Shake It Dry, So They Blow It Dry.
CH>
CH> But men gotta get their hands doity.

Not us experts at shaking it. . .

But, as Stephen King puts it:

No matter how much you shake it;
No matter how much you dance;
The last few drops end up in your pants.

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Find It Hard To Piss First Thing In The Morning ?
CH>  DC> A. Have You Ever Tried Opening A Toasted Cheese Sandwich?
CH>
CH>  Did you ever put your boxer shorts on backwards....?

Yep, have to for one pair, cuz the button fly is busted, so unless I want to be
dangling free all day (can get quite uncomfortable) I wear my pair of Taz
boxers
backwards!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Get Married?
CH>  DC> A. So They Can Settle Down And Take Root!
CH>
CH>  Nah, so they can get him to do the housework.

*ROTFLMAO*
You don't know us men too well, do you?

Here's a joke a man wrote:

Q: How do you know when it's time to help with the housework?
A: Check your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Boobs?
CH>  DC> A. So Men Will Talk To Them.
CH>
CH>  No arugement there!
And/or

A2: so they can get hired even without having the prerequisite skills for the
job!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Legs?
CH>  DC>  A1. So They Don't Get Stuck To The Ground.
CH>  DC>  A2. To Get Between The Bedroom And The Kitchen.
CH>
CH>  men have legs so they can do the housework.

You're in dreamland again!

Q: Definition of a Wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have More Problems With Hemhroids?
CH>  DC> A. Because God Made Man The Perfect Hole.
CH>
CH>  Funny I didn't know that women have more problesm with hemmrhoids. IS
CH> that why men carry a whole tube around in their suit pocket on the
CH> prowl for uncomfy looking femail co workers to offer it too?
CH> Good pick up line! ((This scenario from Preparation H commercial).

I must've missed that Preparation H commercial ('sokay!)

I still wanna know whatever happened to the poor suckers who test-drove
Preparateons A through G!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Smaller Feet Than Men?
CH>  DC> A. So They Can Stand Closer To The Sink.
CH>
CH>  (LOL!!!)

Q: Why'd the woman cross the street
A: Because the chain attaching her to the stove was obviously too long!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have TGIF On Their Shirts?
CH>  DC> A. Tits Go In Front.
CH>
CH>  (Bad bad bad)... oh what is it for men?
CH>  'THIS GUY IS FAKE!' ?

Guess I could wear a shirt saying "T.G.I.R." then!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have TGIF On Their Shoes?
CH>  DC> A. Toes Go In First.
CH>
CH>  Men: Tie goes in front.

Hey, men have no troubles with intellect, except in putting up with women who
play stupid to get out of having to pay for things in life!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Trouble Achieving Orgasm?
CH>  DC> A. *Who Cares?*
CH>
CH>  But "you" didn't.

I have more trouble than any of my women ever have, because I __DO__ care!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Two Holes On The Bottom?
CH>  DC>  A1. So When They Get Drunk At A Party, You Can Carry Them Home Like
CH>   DC>      Like A Six-Pack.
CH>  DC>  A2. In Case You Miss.
CH>
CH>  Well I'd have more fun carrying the drunk guy with the big dick if it
CH>  stayed hard long enough. Gal's are more reliable.

Not always -- sometimes, after 30+ minutes of shagging, and too many orgasms, a
woman can go painfully dry!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Have Vaginas?
CH>  DC> A. So Guys Will Talk To Them At Parties.
CH>
CH>  LAME! Boob version much better.

Hey, the boobs are right there, but a guy has to talk the talk before she'll go
home and spread open the gateway to the amusement park!

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Like Old Gynecologists?
CH>  DC> A. They Have Shaky Hands!
CH>
CH>  LOL!!!! OH that's baddd!

<watching Cindy quickly evaluate her Gynie and her other available options>

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Like The Number 77?
CH>  DC> A. She Likes To Be 8 (Ate) More.
CH>
CH> *(tossing overripe tomato)

That's my favourite sexual position -- "77"! (no tomatoes, though!)

CH>  DC> Q. Why Do Women Like To Do It Doggy Style?
CH>  DC> A. So They Can Keep Watching The Home Shopping Network.
CH>
CH>  Or so the man can.

Or, in Canada, so both can watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs! (hockey)


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1 Lighten up, Everybody! Life ain't even PERMANENT!               

--- EzyQwk V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)