Text 972, 274 rader
Skriven 2005-01-28 09:32:46 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: I'm a Pope-Pusher..  3/21
=====================================
Funny on 27-Jan-2005 10:18

 GS> Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

 -=[George Pope wrote IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> A: He heard there was a man laying bricks & he just HAD to see for
   > himself!

  G-day George Pope,

     A2: He heard there was a sheila laying eggs & he just HAD to
         see for himself!

 GP> Q: Why's the turkey cross the road?
   > A: He followed the chicken.

    A2: He saw the chicken entering the KFC! Wanted to save it!'-)

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

  We're the Most Enlightened guys
  On the Good Ship Enterprise
  We love Peace and Brotherhood
  As you know we should
    'Cause we're Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      Alien threats
      Are just friends we haven't met yet
    We're Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek.

  Captian-man Jean-Luc Picard
  Quotes from the Immortal Bard
  Crusher she must think he's hurt
  She's tearing off his shirt
    But she's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      His hairline has shrunk
      But she still thinks he's a hunk
    'Cause he's Enligdhtened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek

  Counsellor Deanna Troi
  Senses grief and senses joy
  She senses some of Starfleet's Best
  Lusting for her chest
    But she's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      A sensitive wench
      She just doesn't have much common sense
    Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek.

  Riker's whiskers make up great
  For what Picard lacks on his pate
  A phyiscs principle is there
  Conservation of hair
    And he's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      He's handsome and brave
      And so what if he forgets to shave
    Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek.

  Android Data Meek and Mild
  Longs to be a Human Child
  When he plays poker with the crew
  He cheats like humans do
    But he's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      Old Joan Baez songs
      Are programmed on his positrons
    Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek

  Geordi's cybernetic Visor
  Plugs in where most people's eyes are
  This allows our engineer
  To see through Troi's brassire
    But he's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      That thing on his head
      Lets him see UV and infared
    Enlighted
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek

  We like to laugh behind Worf's back
  'Cause he prefers the direct attack
  Violence never wins the day
  Still he tries anyway
    He's not as Enlightened
    Not Enlightened
      We'll waive his infractions
      We support Affirmative Action
    We're Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      THe Next Generation of Trek

  Wesley's going to catch some heck
  If he's caught on the Holodeck
  Ev'ry program that he saves
  Is full of buxom babes
    But they're Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      His teen fantasies
      All have philosophical degrees
    Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek.

  Guinam come from distant star
  Tends the Enterprise's bar
  She looks wise and slyly winks
  And waters down the drinks
    'Cause she's Enlightened
    So Enlightened
      It never would do
      For the ship to have a drunken crew
    Enlightened
      (lit up, anyway)
    So Enlightened
      The Next Generation of Trek.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

THE TURING SHROUD -- AMAZING ARCHAEOLOGICAL DISCOVERY!
------------------

A recent sensational discovery may shed some light on a mystery
which has baffled computer scientists (or 'hackers' as they prefer
to be called) for decades.  Although held as an article of faith
by most hackers, the existence of the fabled 'Universal Turing
Machine' has never been proved, and many ordinary people find the
whole idea difficult to swallow.  The only comparable machine in
antiquity, the Analytical Engine of Charles Babbage, was only
partially constructed and never lived up to its specification; in
which respect, hackers say, it resembles modern machines such as
the IBM 3086.  Heretofore, the only evidence for the Turing
Machine's existence has been in the form of documents written by
the Venerable Alan Turing himself, when he was involved in the
development of computing science theory between the wars.

    In these papers, St. Turing described (in great detail) the
Universal Machine and how it was programmed.  Implicit in his
arguments was that the Machine itself was built and used, but the
complete lack of supporting evidence, despite exhaustive searches
after his Ascension into Heaven, has tended to confirm the
sceptics' view that it never existed as a physical entity.  They
point to the fact that, after the war, St. Turing worked for some
years at the National Physical Laboratory trying to build a
Universal Machine, suggesting that no earlier version ever
existed.  Zealots have countered by saying that the pre-war
machine _was_ built, but was confiscated (in total secrecy) by the
Allies to aid in the war effort, and was never returned to its
inventor.  They argue that the machine was destroyed in an air
raid.  St. Turing therefore had to start from scratch after the
war and attempt to reconstruct a Machine using the then
new-fangled valve technology.  As we know, this attempt was
abandoned in the face of competition from the USA, and he was
forced to work, in Manchester, on an economy model computer, often
referred to contemptuously by hackers as the Provincial Turing
Machine.

    The recent furore stems from archaeological work carried out
by dedicated hackers at a site near Cambridge.  It is well known
that St. Turing bought two silver bars in the Thirties as a hedge
against inflation.  Not trusting the banks, he buried both bars
and drew maps with cryptic instructions indicating their
whereabouts.  Unfortunately, after the war, when he came to
retrieve the bars, he only managed to find one.  The two intrepid
hackers subjected the map and instructions to a sophisticated
computer analysis.  After several fruitless months they gave up,
and by scribbling a few calculations on the back of an old
envelope (known in the business as the ICL approach), managed to
locate the site of the missing bar in a matter of minutes.  Late
last Tuesday evening, they dug down to a depth of six feet before
encountering a metal box.  Excitedly, they smashed the lock with
their spades and opened the lid.  Inside, as they had hoped, they
found a silver bar wrapped in a dirty piece of cloth.

    It was only when they brought the find home, however, that
they realized the full significance of the piece of cloth, or
On Preparing to Write of Software
     To prepare for the writing of Software, the writer must first
become one with it, sometimes two.  Software is untasteable, opalescent,
transparent; the user sees not the software, so the writer must see
through it.  Spend long, quiet mornings in meditation.  Do not sharpen
the mind, but rather blunt it by doing Zen crosswords.
(Ed. note:  Zen crosswords are done by consulting only the "Down" clues;
and always in the mind, never on paper.)

     The mind should be rooted but flexible, as a long stemmed flower
faces the Sun yet bends with the Wind.  Think not of compound adjectives
because they tend to wire the mind in two directions.  Rather, consider
the snowflake, which radiates in beauty in any and all directions.
Partake of strong drink.

     Do not study the Software; let it study you.  Allow the Software
admission to your mind, but keep in the cheap seats.  Let it flow around
you at its own pace.  Do not disturb or dismay it, but keep it from your
private parts because it tends to coalesce there.

     When the Software is with you, you will know it.  It will lead your
mind where it should be, and prepare you for the narcolepsy that is cert
ain to follow.  You will know when the Software is with you, and so will
others.  You will smile with an inner smile.  Typewriters will frighten
you.  You will fall down a lot.

     The first exercise in writing Software documentation is the Haiku.
Haiku are 17 syllable poem forms in which many ideas of a single concept
are reduced  -- nay, distilled -- into a short, impressionistic poem.
For example, the Haiku for preparing to write of Software goes:

                   Emptiness on paper;
                        Fleeting thought.
                   Red Sox play at Fenway's
                        Green Park.

By concentrating on the Softwares form and function in a concise,
subliminal, truly meaningless Haiku verse, you have transcended the
Software, and you can then write the true manual.

The following Haiku is from a Zen manual on Data Transmission:

                   How swiftly whirls the disk;
                   Data leaps to the floating head
                   And is known.

And this is on Hardware Maintenance:

                   The smell of hot P.C. card,
                     Blank screen, no bell,
                   New parts will be needed.

And another Haiku, this one on Debugging:

                   All the lights are frozen;
                   The cursor blinks blandly.
                   Soon, I shall see the dump.

Let the Haiku thoughts free your mind from your fingers.  Your fingers
will write what must be written.  Soon you will be in Doc. Prep.

On the Review Cycle

     This is the murkiest path.  Storms gather and disperse around you
many directions, none of which are in English.  The path becomes unclear
as many an idea compete for attention.  Some of them are fatal.

     But the writer of Zen Software documentation fears not the
turbulence of review cycles.  Let it storm around you and be dry, warm,
and safe in the knowledge that you have written the pure manual.
Anyway, you know the printer.  You shall in the end have it your way.



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