Text 1414, 88 rader
Skriven 2004-08-24 13:45:06 av Alan Hess
Ärende: wives, show some pride...
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columnist suggests:
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http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/lifestyle/bal-to.reimer24aug24,0,6461940.
column?coll=bal-pe-today
Poor choice for apology
Susan Reimer



August 24, 2004

RAISE YOUR HAND if you have had it with wronged wives taking the stage with
their cheating husbands as they apologize to the public for betraying its
trust.

The latest is Dina Matos McGreevey, wife of the New Jersey governor, who was
looking stoic and devoted as her husband announced to the world that he was
guilty of cheating on her with another man.

And, he said, rather than put her through any more personal hell, he would
resign from office as soon as it was politically convenient to do so.

There was so much bad behavior on the podium that day that it is hard to know
where to begin.

First, public officials do not owe us, the public, any apologies for private
betrayals. That is a matter for couples to sort out without an audience of
voters.

What Gov. James McGreevey should apologize for is hiring the man he says was
his lover - with no U.S. citizenship, no experience and no security clearance -
as the homeland security chief for New Jersey, located right next to New York
City on your basic terrorist map.

McGreevey then short-circuited public criticism by wrapping himself in the
protective cloak of his emerging sexual identity. Playing the alcohol rehab
card doesn't cut it anymore, so McGreevey opened a new deck. We look like
bigots if we go after him.

But the fact that he cheated on his wife with another man in some kind of
scavenger hunt for his identity does not make him less unfaithful to her. I
don't care if he cheated with the woman next door or the man next door. He
cheated.

And McGreevey did not announce that he is gay because he is proud and confident
of his sexual preferences. It appears he was about to be blackmailed, for
heaven's sake.

No doubt, his advisers insisted that he trot out his devoted wife. And maybe
she figured it was better than being stalked by paparazzi.

But can women start showing a little pride here? I am waiting for the Mrs. Kobe
Bryants and the Mrs. Bill Clintons of the world to say what the rest of us are
thinking: "You lying dog. Get your clothes off my front lawn."

OK, so maybe you don't want to toss him out because of the kids or the careers
or the endorsement contracts or whatever.

But don't stand up there on a stage looking at him as if he is taking the oath
of office.

He only wants you there to restrain the press from asking rude questions and to
signal to the voters that what he did is forgivable - because you forgive him.

Ladies, wake up! You are a prop in a public morality play designed to keep his
polling numbers up. You are being used - again. This time, to put a shine on
his bad behavior.

If this is about the resilience of your marriage and your commitment to each
other, get off the public stage and show us by sticking it out over the long
haul. Holding hands as you exit doesn't get it done.

Political and celebrity marriages are probably just like our marriages. It is
just that we don't call news conferences to apologize to the public for having
a gay lover or for indulging ourselves with the White House intern or the hotel
desk clerk.

And we don't require our injured spouses to face the public with a devoted
glaze over their eyes.

But wouldn't you rather have seen Jim McGreevey take the stage alone and
apologize in public to her for betraying her trust?

Copyright + 2004, The Baltimore Sun

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