Text 8171, 67 rader
Skriven 2005-01-29 14:34:00 av Jeff Binkley (1:226/600)
Ärende: Beer and politics
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Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the 
beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer 
& the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the 
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were 
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: 
Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain & that was the beginning of 
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented 
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for 
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to BBQ at night 
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known 
as "the Conservative movement".

Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off 
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the 
sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal 
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The 
rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements 
include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of  
group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide 
how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most 
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by 
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer  
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their 
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. 
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have 
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal 
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists 
are liberals. Liberals invented the "designated hitter" rule because it 
wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for 
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, 
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, 
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works 
productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire 
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers 
& decide what to do with the production.

Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That  Is 
why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were 
coming to America.

They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of  
Trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history."



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