Text 5036, 216 rader
Skriven 2006-08-31 15:13:03 av mark lewis (1:3634/12.0)
Kommentar till text 4933 av Carol Shenkenberger (6:757/1)
Ärende: Airlines and a pancit gift
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CS> You may be thinking more of the 'Bridge to Bridge' system with
CS> various channels but that's surface craft and controlled by
CS> international maritime law. Some channels of it are used only by
CS> military but none are encrypted as far as i know. Approaching a
CS> vessel on a collision course 'This is ship 43, we track you on
CS> relative heading 107 and request your intentions'. You can hear a
CS> sample in that old joke about the light house where the US Warship
CS> is asking them to 'turn right 20 degrees' or something lke that.
CS> Punchline is 'this is a US Lighthouse, ball is in your court'.
CS> It's a true hoot to read if you havent seen that one. I'd post it
CS> even if off topic but dont have it handy here.
here's what a google for "ship lighthouse joke" turns up as the first hit for
me ;)
http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/questions/litehuse.html
===== quote =====
"The Lighthouse Joke"
The following is being transmitted around the Internet as an event that really
took place, but *it never happened*. It is simply an old joke like those found
in popular magazines:
Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation
between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland
in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval
Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a
collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your
course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF
THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
*Note: USS Coral Sea (CV 43) was decommissioned and scrapped 2 July 1993. Other
ships' names appearing have been USS Missouri (BB 63) which was decommissioned
on 31 March 1992 and USS Nimitz (CVN 68) which is an active ship.
This page was posted: 25 July 1997
===== end quote =====
the above joke, with various other ships names and locations other than canada,
has been around since the 1950's according to what i've been able to dig up...
here's another entry with an even funnier one included...
http://www.donaldsensing.com/2003/07/what-we-got-heah-is-failure-to.html
===== quote =====
Friday, July 18, 2003
What we got heah is a failure to communicate . . .
An old joke dating back at least to the 1950s, now an urban legend still making
the rounds - a radio conversation between a US naval ship with Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland:
CANADIANS: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid a collision."
AMERICANS: "Recommend YOU divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision"
CANADIANS: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision"
AMERICANS: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course"
CANADIANS: "No, I say again, you divert your course"
AMERICANS: "This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We
are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers
and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change
your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's
one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be
undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."
CANADIANS: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Never happened, of course, but it is funny. The following did happen (pretty
close), and is pretty funny, too.
During the Vietnam War, USS Turner Joy, a destroyer with 5-inch naval guns,
spotted a target off the coast of North Vietnam. Assuming it friendly, a radio
call was put out:
"This is the USS Turner Joy, Please identify yourself."
No response.
Signal lights were used:
"This is the USS Turner Joy, identify yourself, friend or foe."
No response.
Signal lights again:
"This is the USS Turner Joy, identify yourself or we will
commence firing"
Answer: "This is battleship USS New Jersey, you may fire
when ready!"
The captain of New Jersey, J. Ed Snyder Jr., says what really happened was
this: the other warship was not Turner Joy, but a smaller vessel commanded by a
lieutenant. There were two inquiries by signal light from the smaller craft,
both of which New Jersey ignored. Synder later wrote,
My policy was not to release messages without my personal O.K.
My OOD [officer of the deck] ignored the first two messages from
the small naval vessel since they had her on radar and the visual
call sign identified the sending ship but when the flashing light
message saying "unknown vessel identify yourself or we will open
fire" my OOD called me right away. The reason I had our signalmen
use the 24 inch searchlight is that I was slightly ticked that
the other naval vessel (the sending ship) should have been able
to tell the difference between a Battleship on radar and a north
Vietnam gun runner or fishing boat.
I was in the habit of not signing messages with our name since the
message always had a heading telling who sent it and to whom it
was addressed. I admit my reply was rather tense and not in the
best naval tradition but we on the New Jersey felt nothing could
hurt us and the crew enjoyed my reply which was, "OPEN FIRE WHEN
READY. FEAR GOD. DREADNOUGHT." (DREADNOUGHT having a double
meaning, i.e., fear not and the name the British gave to the first
large battleships.)
So the retelling is pretty close to the original. No cosmic wisdom here, folks,
just something I ran across wile looking for stuff about lighthouses for my
sermon. Here's another lighthouse joke:
A few decades ago two men tended a lonely lighthouse. The day was
stormy, with heavy seas. Through the fog they saw a small boat
making its way toward them, with a sole occupant. Suddenly a wave
capsized the boat and tossed the man into the water. The two men
on shore sprang into action. Hurriedly they launched their own
craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters
to reach the man. At last they got him aboard their boat.
"It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said
gratefully. "I'm from the IRS and there's a problem with your tax
returns."
by Donald Sensing, 7/18/2003 03:50:57 PM.
===== end quote =====
and finally, to get way back over there, on topic... hummm, maritime jokes
deserve a maritime oriented recipe O:)
MMMMM----- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.06
Title: (CBC) Maritime Creamed Onions
Categories: Canadian, Vegetables, Dairy
Yield: 4 servings
2.50 lb Small, white onions
4.00 ts Butter
4.00 ts Flour
1.00 c Milk
0.50 c Heavy cream
1.00 ts Ground nutmeg
1.00 ts Salt ground white pepper
Peel the onions by dropping them into boiling water and letting them
boil briskly for about 30 seconds. Drain in a sieve under cold water
and cut off the root ends. Peel off the skin and trim the tops
neatly. Simmer the onions in lightly salted water for about 15 -20
minutes, until tender. Drain and set aside. Measure and reserve 1 cup
of the cooking liquid. In a heavy 3 - 4 qt. saucepan melt the butter
over moderate heat. Add the flour and mix well. Stirring constantly,
pour in the reserved cup of cooking liquid, the milk and the cream
and cook over high heat until the sauce comes to a boil, thickens
lightly and is smooth. Reduce heat and simmer for 3 - 4 min. Stir in
nutmeg, salt and white pepper and taste. Add the onions, turning them
gently and simmer for a few minutes until heated through.
From: CBC Radio One
MMMMM
)\/(ark
* Origin: (1:3634/12)
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