Text 11197, 176 rader
Skriven 2011-05-22 19:23:00 av MICHAEL LOO (1:123/140)
Kommentar till en text av JIM WELLER
Ärende: Stupid conventions 368
==============================
-=> Jim Weller said to Glen Jamieson <=-
JW> I have never forgotten the one and only time I was offered a tip. I
JW> was 14 and a stock boy in a grocery store. I was seldom called
JW> forward to the cashier's station to do bag carry out as country
JW> farmers and their wives were pretty sturdy and self-sufficient folk.
As a musician I've been tipped a fair number of times when
playing for parties. Granted that all of my colleagues have
earned or at least been trained to the level of master's
degrees and sometimes doctorates, but it is a menial job.
The tips have ranged from a few bucks to a hundred (to be
split among a string quartet), more toward the lower end of
the spectrum.
Two appropriate jokes, all set on a cloud in heaven, St.
Peter at his desk with a big ledger and quill pen the way
you see in the pictures.
St. Peter: Welcome to Heaven! What did you do on earth?
Supplicant 1: I was a doctor and healed the sick, taking
fees only from those who could afford and treating the
poor for free.
St. Peter: That's terrific! Come in to your eternal home.
St. Peter: Welcome to Heaven! What did you do on earth?
Supplicant 2: I was a minister and led my flock with
integrity and faith, comforting all in need and pain
and praying all the day and night.
St. Peter: Thank you for all you have done, we are
very grateful. Come in to your eternal home.
St. Peter: Welcome to Heaven! What did you do on earth?
Supplicant 3: I was a musician, gladdening the hearts
of all who heard my songs, lifting the despair of the
despondent, praising God with all my actions.
St. Peter: Oh, the servants' entrance is out back.
---
St. Peter: How much did you make, down there on earth?
Supplicant 1: $100000 a year!
St. Peter: Splendid, what did you do?
Supplicant 1: I was a doctor.
St. Peter: Wonderful, welcome to Heaven. And you, how
much did you make a year?
Supplicant 2: I made $500000!
St. Peter: Ah. That's a lot of money. What did you do?
Supplicant 2: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: We don't get too many of your kind up here. You
are especially welcome! And you, there, how much did you make?
Supplicant 3: Only $10000.
St. Peter: What instrument did you play?
JW> But occasionally I was, usually to assist a little old lady. One
JW> time I got paged and came up to find an American mother and daughter
JW> (cottagers from a nearby lake) and two small bags. The girl was
JW> heading for the door empty handed and the mom was touching up her
JW> makeup while ignoring her groceries. After a few seconds it dawned
JW> on us she expected me to take care of them. So I did. The daughter
Aside from that situation, I too have been tipped only once.
I was in grad school, working in the computerized (300 baud
modems!) appointments office at a hospital to get health care
and make ends meet. Sometimes I'd go next door when things
were slack and help out at the reception desk, where the
staff were a bunch of older women, who though helpful as
possible, were occasionally faced with a situation they
couldn't deal with. So one day, there was a patient who
needed to be transferred from a wheelchair to a waiting car,
and there was nobody else around strong enough to do the
job. So I did it ... and got a dollar tip. At that time I'd
never been tipped for anything I'd ever done and was very
flustered. The patient's family refused my refusal, and so
the dollar went into the petty cash jar. At the time I was
grossing $96.46 for a 40-hour week.
---------- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.01
Title: Kiwi Daiquiri Jam
Categories: Condiment, Preserve
Yield: 4 servings
5 Kiwifruit, peeled 3 oz liquid pectin
3 c Sugar Green food colour, opt
2/3 c Unsweetened pineapple juice 4 tb Rum (or sub. fruit juice?)
1/3 c Fresh lime juice
Fill boiling water canner with water. Place 4 clean half-pint mason jars
in canner. Cover, bring water to a boil; boil at least 10 min to sterilize
jars at altitudes up to 1000 ft.
Place snap lids in boiling water, boil 5 min to soften sealing compound.
In a large stainless steel or enamel saucepan, mash kiwifruit to applesauce
consistency. Stir in sugar, pineapple and lime juice. Bring to a full
rolling boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Stirring constantly, boil
vigorously for 2 minutes.
Remove from heat, stir in pectin. Continue stirring 5 minutes to prevent
floating fruit. (If desired, add green food colouring to create a more
lively, intensely green jam.) Stir in rum.
Ladle jam into a hot sterilized jar to within 1/4 inch of top rim. Remove
air bubbles by sliding rubber spatula between glass and food; readjust head
space to 1/4 inch. Wipe jar rim removing any stickiness. Center snap lid
on jar; apply screw band just until fingertip tight. Place jar in canner.
Repeat for remaining jam.
Cover canner, return water to a boil, process 5 minutes at altitutes up to
1000 ft. Remove jars. Cool 24 hours. Check jar seals. (Sealed lids
curve downward.) Remove screw bands. Wipe jars, label and store in a cool
dark place.
source: Bernardin Guide to Home Preserving 1992 Shared but not tested by
Elizabeth Rodier Aug 93
-----
JW> was my age or just a little bit older, cute, and wearing the
JW> skimpiest halter top and shortest shorts that had ever been seen in
JW> my conservative part of the world. As I was working on my opening
Too slow! Just as well - if you'd been more of a silver-
tongued devil, you might be married to some rich heiress -
you might have dodged a real bullet, similar to that that
I described in a post yesterday.
JW> line to hit on her, she gave me a quarter (rather generous as my
JW> wage was 50 cents an hour). Was I pissed! I refused, she insisted, I
JW> refused, she said her mom insisted, I got mad at her and said a few
JW> rude words as I stomped off. Yes, I felt they were treating me
JW> like a serf. She didn't look so cute after that.
"... her face twisted in a rictus of anger and shame ..."
And a slightly off-topic joke:
There are these three guys waiting at the gates of Heaven.
The first is in a priest's uniform. St. Peter greets him:
Hello Father, welcome to Heaven. Please stand over there
and wait until the shuttle comes to take you to your eternal
home. The second comes up. Pope Benedict! So nice to see you.
I trust you had a pleasant journey? Please stand over there
and wait until the shuttle comes to take you to your eternal
home. Then the third, dressed in a three-piece suit. Ah, yes,
says St. Peter. We've been waiting for you. The shuttle is
coming now.
So the shuttle comes, driven by Gabriel or someone looking
a lot like Gabriel. They all pile into it, and off they go.
The first stop is a very nice little house, perfectly
trimmed, just like a parson's manse down on earth, only
nicer. Gabriel says to the priest, you've earned it, enjoy
it for all eternity. Off goes the priest to enjoy it for
all eternity.
Next, after a bit of driving, they come to a district of
palaces, the least of which is finer than anything you've
ever seen. They keep going up the hill, until there are
only two palaces remaining. They stop at the first, and
Gabriel says to Pope Benedict, you've earned it, go and
enjoy it for eternity. Pope Benedict thinks, wow, I must
be living right next to God himself! but is surprised when
the shuttle, with the suit the only remaining passenger,
continues up to the very top of the hill to the most
wonderful structure ever beheld by human or angelic senses.
Presently, the shuttle comes down, and Pope Benedict flags
it down. Angel Gabriel, says he, who was that person? He
must be very eminent indeed, if he has been given a home
that I thought would belong to the Almighty Himself!
Gabriel shrugs. Just some lawyer. Benedict wonders aloud -
I was Pope to billions of the faithful; and this guy is
just some lawyer? Gabriel responds: we have dozens of
Popes here. Never had a lawyer before.
___ Blue Wave/386 v2.30
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