Text 1962, 62 rader
Skriven 2007-08-06 23:34:05 av alexander koryagin
     Kommentar till en text av Ardith Hinton (1:153/716)
Ärende: Re: Style, You Say?
===========================
From: "alexander koryagin" <koryagin@erec.ru>

F2EP
Hi, Ardith Hinton! How are you?
on Thursday, 26 of July, you wrote to Alexander Koryagin
about "Style, You Say?"

There were problems in Russian FIDO centre; many messages from both sides
had not emerged on the gate. I am reposting several last letters.

AK>>  The boy nodded seriously. This man can be trusted in
AK>>  this matter.  He was an experienced and brave man: a
AH> adult might be more inclined to say "This man could be trusted."

Certainly. Is is obvious that "can" must be put in the past tense. Even in
Russian text this word was in the past tense.

AH>  If you wanted to quote the boy's thoughts, as if he were speaking the
AH> words aloud, you might say "This man can be trusted.... He is (etc.)".
AH> It seems to me the story teller, like the translator, naturally wishes
AH> to retain the flavour of the original.

Yes, and I would like to do it as much as only possible. Sentences consist
of phrases and thoughts; every of them must be preserved exatly. The author
uses particular words and each of them carry some energy to provoke a
picture in the brain. This makes the flavour and the pattern. It is not a
matter of a translator to improve the text. The original must be holy for
him. Foreign tinge of translation (if it readable enough) must be preserved.

AH> You've done that by using simple sentences & fairly basic vocabulary.
AH> But as an adult reporting on the thoughts & experiences of a child in
AH> a work of fiction, you can also use your own words. It's rather like
AH> making a free translation as opposed to a literal one....  :-)

First of all this book has children as the main target. Imho quite opposite
to "Peter Pan" for instance. And because of that we can find that the author
(and I accordingly) use widely simple sentences. IMHO it is right. And that
is the reason of my choosing this novel as my first translation.

If you like a free translation you don't respect enough the original text.
It must be an extreme case when you rephrase a sentence by your own words to
make it more stylish. If you make it often, I can say, you certainly know
how to improve the author. ;-)
Imho - roughness must not be smoothed. Must be used the same words.
When Nabokov translated Eugene Onegin he could choose between a good verse
style and preserving original words and phrases. He chose the later and he
was right.

PS: Understand me correctly. I mean that when, for instance, Russian
sentence is being translated into English every thought and phrase must be
preserved. Put words and thoughts into right places, but do not change them!
If sentences are short - you have to remain them short. But when Russian man
speaks American idioms it is very funny and strange. Why? ;-)

[...Hunger is the best sauce]
Bye Ardith!
Alexander
fido7.english-tutor 2007


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