Text 2654, 170 rader
Skriven 2005-09-27 00:16:54 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Camel vs Elephant
=============================
 GS>    > Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"
   > It's gotto be Canada, cause I've heard the birds can speak there!! '-)

     -=> George Pope wrote a message to Greg Sears <=-

 GP> You don't have pet parrots, cockatiels, etc. Down Under?

 G-day Mate,

 I don't have a pet parrot, but on a drive to the west coast last summer
 I stopped for a beer <don't drink & drive EH>.  There was this KEA that
 jumped on the van, started tearin at the plastic, and when I yelled  EH
 get the fuck off that van..... it replied in KEA-talk...squack-YOU! '-)

 GP> We don't have any native talking birds here in Canada!

 OH too cold EH!!...get a KEA they love the ice, snow & cold!! '-)))


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

              = THE TRAGEDY OF AN ON-LINE ADDICTION =
                        - by Steve King -

  "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?"
my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice.  "That's
more than twice the monthly payment you make from that (expletive)
computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.

"I confess!  I confess!" I sobbed.  "I'm just an on-line junkie -- I'm
addicted to my modem!  I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous
before I owe my soul to the phone company."

  As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the
preceding story every day.  That insidious disease, modem fever, is
exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's
computer users.  Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of
our country and there seems to be no stopping it.  This disease (yes, it
is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such
calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line
addiction named, "All My Modems."

  If you don't already own one of those evil instruments called a modem,
take warning!  Don't even think about buying one.  Modem fever sets in
very quietly; it sneaks up on you and then grabs you by the wallet,
checkbook or, heaven forbid, credit cards. Once you own a modem, you
enter the insidious addictive trap by "dialing up" a friend who also has
a modem.  For some strange reason, typing messages to each other
fascinates you.  (Even if it is less than 10% of the speed that you can
speak the same words over a normal voice phone link.)  Of course, you
make several attempts at hooking up before you finally figure out that
at least one of you must be in the half-duplex mode; that discovery
actually titillates you (sounds impossible, but it's true).

  Then your modem-buddy (friend is too good a term) sews another seed on
the road to on-line addiction by giving you the number of a local RBBS
(Remote Bulletin Board Service).  Once you get an RBBS phone number,
you've taken the first fatal step in a journey that can only end in
on-line addiction.

  After you take the next step by dialing up the the RBBS your
modem-buddy told you about, you find that it's very easy to "log-on."
This weird form of conversation with an unattended computer is strangely
exciting, much more so than just typing messages when you're on-line
with your modem-buddy.  The initial bulletins scroll by and inform you
about the board, but you're too "up" to comprehend most of it.  Then you
read some of the messages in the message section and maybe, in a
tenative manner, you enter one or two of your own.  That's fun, but the
excitement starts to wear off; you're calming down.  Thinking that it
might be worthwhile to go back and re-read the log-on bulletins, you
return to the main RBBS menu.

  Then it happens.  The RBBS provides the bait that entices you all the
way into the fiery hell of modem addiction.  As you look at the RBBS
main menu to learn how to return to the log-on bulletins, you find an
item called FILES.  By asking your host computer for FILES, you thread
the bait onto the hook of corruption; the FILES SUBMENU sets the hook.
You start running with the line when you LIST the files; you leap into
the air with the sheer joy of the fight when all those public domain
program titles and descriptions scroll by.  They're FREE!!!  All you
have to do is tell the bulletin board to download (transmit) them to
you.  You download your first program and you're landed, in the creel,
cleaned and ready for the cooking fires.   In just 55 minutes after you
logged-onto the board, you've downloaded six programs, one of them is
Andrew Fleugelman's PC-Talk, version 3 (truly an instrument for evil).

  BBS-LIST.DQC, which is also among the files you downloaded, contains a
list of a great number of bulletin boards throughout the country.
(There's evil all around us, constantly tempting us!)  You print the
list and find about 60 RBBS phone numbers. (Have mercy on our souls!)
The list also gives you the hours of operation, communications
parameters and informs you about each board's specialty.  You decide to
try PC-Talk and use it to dial-up an RBBS about three states away.
Since the line is busy, you pass the time entering all those RBBS phone
numbers into PC-Talk's voluminous dialing directory.

  You try the number again -- still busy.  You think, "Hey, there's one
that specializes in Pascal programs.  Maybe I'l try it.  It's about
half-way across the country, but it's after 5pm and the phone rates have
changed.  It won't be too expensive." The Pascal board answers.  After
45 minutes you've downloaded another five programs.  Then you call
another board -- only this one's completely across the country from
California, in Florida. And so it goes on into the night...  And the
next night...  And the next...

  Some days it gets to you.  You begin to feel the dirtiness of modem
addiction, particularly when your wife makes you feel like a child by
berating you for those astronomical phone bills -- if she hasn't
divorced you by then.  Every time you sit down before your IBM PC to do
some work, you dial up another RBBS instead. If that one's busy, you
call another, and another, until you connect.  Then you feel OK, almost
"high."  When you finally hang up, you still can't work; you can only
dial up another RBBS.  Your downfall as an on-line addict is just
another one of this society's terrible tragedies, such as polygamy or
the compulsion to circle all the numbers on computer magazine "bingo
cards." Eventually your whole social life relies upon only the messages
you find on electronic bulletin boards; your only happiness is the
programs you have downloaded.  (You never try any of them, you only
collect them.)

  Hope exists, however.  We, the dedicated but under-paid staff of
Modems Anonymous, have done extensive research to find a cure for modem
mania, which has been ruining hundreds of lives.  And we have succeeded
in our quest.  The cure is really quite simple, yet effective:

     Set up your own remote bulletin board service.  Then all the other
     modem addicts will phone you, and their wives can nag at them about
     $450 phone bills.  And you can find peace -- at last.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

I worked for a bit in the coastguard in Wales and I used to send weather
reports to other bases, using a sort of antique FAX machine.  I would
call first on a special telephone and then send the data.

They used to answer the phone with:
" Epicentre of the Universe, God speaking."
" Hartland home for lost whores."  (that was Hartland CG)
" Da, zis iz Ivan: do you have zee secret information, Boris?"
" Pentagon command: transmit destruct sequence (pause) sequence correct:
  T minus one minute and counting"

And then there was one phone we didn't use, with a number one off that
of the local take-out.  With my, non-British, accent I had some great
fun with that phone.

"Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please?  -- Captain,
there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you
want it on screen?"
(silence...click)

"Vancouver coastguard, may I help you."  British long distance rates are
phenomenonal and I had this poor dude sputtering with horror that he had
managed to make a long distance call by dialing five digits.

Note: not the I C E-man



Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... I C E-man.. I'm a mere dabbler compared to some of the wizards in here.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)