Text 2655, 143 rader
Skriven 2005-09-27 00:22:24 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: F unny
==================
     -=> George Pope wrote a message to Greg Sears <=-

 GP> I bought my first house 2 years ago with dad's money!

Good job Mate, dad wanted ME to have his house, but my brother had
               more money!! SO I purchased an Answer Machine that
               Said.............................................


This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought recording
device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling,
and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.

   ----------

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole.  Right now, all our assholes are
busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an
asshole return your call as soon as possible.

   ----------

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape,
one of them will get back to you.

   ----------

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop.  Santa can't come to the phone
right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen.  After the
tone, please your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!

   ----------

C'mon...you can do it...just a little one.  That's the way...just a
little beep, just a little one.  C'mon...good boy...here we go...like
this--beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon...There you go!

   ----------

Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we
gave it to Vanna White.  Sorry.

   ----------

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a
channeler in the 23rd Century.  Any message you leave will be broadcast
into the future....

   ----------

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement
printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills.  If you need any
money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your
name number, and how much cash you need after the tone.  If you're from
the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

   ----------

Kemosabe no in tipi now.  You leave'um message after little smoke
signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

   ----------

[VOICE 1]  Answer the phone, please, Hal.
[VOICE 2]  I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

   ----------

[For Shakespeare lovers only]
So long as phones can ring and eyes can see,
So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

   ----------

[Carefully modulated English accent, like Alex in _A Clockwork Orange_]
Oh, my brothers and only droogs, your poor narrator's not in now- he's
out on his oddy-nocky looking for a bit of pretty polly--some young
devotchka with horrorshow grooties.  Leave thy message after the malinky
beepie


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

HAVE_YOU_HEARD_THE_ONE_ABOUT:

The absent-minded nurse who made the patient without disturbing the bed?

The African American who saw his girlfriend in a loose dress and said
 "Honey is you in fashion or is we in trouble?

The All-American tom cat that made fourty seven yards in one night?

The bee that broke his leg - he fell off his honey

The butcher who got a little behind in his work; he backed into the meat
 slicer?

The careless canary that did it for a lark?

The chickens that ate racing forms and now the're laying odds?

The cow that got a divorce because she got a bum steer?

The drive-in theatre manager who decided if business got any better he
 would start showing movies?

The eager bride to be that came walking down the aisle?
              

> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

English is a language in which
        ....double negatives are a no-no.
        ....a fat chance and a slim chance mean the same thing.
        ....the term "mental institution" can be used to
            describe an asylum or a college.
        ....a Mr. Universe and a couch potato can earn the same
            reward:  atrophy.
        ....just one letter makes all the difference between
            here and there.
        ...."hi" and "lo" have the same meaning.

The good thing about mincing your words is that they're easier
        to eat later on.

Sad but true:  Why bother speaking correct English?  No one will
        understand you.

Only in English can day break when it's night that falls.


Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... I C E-man.. I'm a mere dabbler compared to some of the wizards in here.

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)