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Text 3188, 150 rader
Skriven 2005-12-04 23:30:30 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Q&A Shorties
========================
            -=> George Pope wrote to all <=-

 GP> Q: Why do women have nostrils?

        BRITISH TOURIST FILES GHOST REPORT
        ----------------------------------

        Sheriff's Deputies Investigate Probe Sightings

   KEY LARGO -- A visiting British tourist complained to Monroe County
Sheriff's deputies that he was visited in the early morning hours on
Christmas Day by three spirits. The victim, Ebenezer Scrooge, 76 of
Devonshire In the Puddle, Middlesex, England, said that he was terrified
by the experience but feels as though that he is a changed man because of
it.

   Sheriff's Sergeant Scott Cockrell reported that no police action was
taken since Mr. Scrooge did not warn either the late Marley or the three
subsequent spirits to vacate his motel room. Scrooge was later booked on
charges of refusing to pay his bill at Popp's Motel.

   Charges of resisting arrest were also filed after Scrooge shouted a
variety of obscenities including "Bah, Humbug" at arresting officers. He
was booked into Monroe County Jail.  Other guests at Popp's Motel reported
no unearthly visitations although several told Sgt. Cockrell that the
sound of rattling chains did awaken them shortly after 2AM.

> OBX-mas for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

   Top 25 Ways to Frighten Your Roomate During the Christmas Holidays

 1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life.  If S/he tries
    to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the
    floor.

 2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap.  Refuse
    to get off.

 3. Wear a Santa suit all the time.  Deny you're wearing it.

 4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth
    chanting "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to
    town..."

 5. Hang mistletoe in the doorway.  When your roommate enters or leaves
    the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.

 6. Hang a stocking with your roommate's name on it.  Collect coal and
    sharp objects in it.  If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty
    all year!"

 7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers.  Constantly complain about
    how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.

 8. Make conversation out of Christmas carols.  (I.E.  "You know, I
    saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last
    night.")

 9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.

10. Sing: "All I want for christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

11. Give your roommate the gifts from the 12 days of Christmas song.

12. Build a snowman with your roommate and place a hat on its head.
    When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "It didn't work!"

13. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner and
    Blitzen, ect."

14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations telling "Bah
    Humbug!"

15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please
    have mercy on my soul!"

16. Tell your roommate you're moving out.  Santa's buying you a house on
    34th street.

17. Pin a pointsetta to your lapel.

18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts
    first.

19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's
    friends "give it a yank."

20. Ring jingle bells manaically saying "every time a bell rings, an
    angel gets his wings."

21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole
    Christmas" over and over in your underwear.

22. Smoke mistletoe.  Do what comes naturally.

23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping.  When s/he wakes up, sing
    "He sees you when you're sleeping..."

24. Steal a life sized nativity scene and display it in your room.  When
    you roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here,
    there's no room at the inn!"

25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her
    possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.


> OBX-mas for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

 On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically Imposed Midwinter Festival, my
 acquaintaince-rape survivor gave to me...

 12 males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming
 11 pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members
    in good standing of the musicians equity union as called for in
    their union contract even though they will not be asked to play one
    note ...)
 10 melanin-deprived testerone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling
    class system leaping
 9 persons engaged in rhythmic self expression
 8 economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from
   bovine americans
 7 endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
 6 enslaved fowl-americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products
 5 golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
   incarceration
 4 hours of recorded whale songs
 3 deconstructionist poets
 2 sierra club calenders printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,
   and...
 A spotted owl activist chained to an old growth pear tree


The last four had to be completely revised from the originals after
members of the animal liberation front and PETA threated to throw red
paint at the writers computer.




        -=-                          -=-
     (\  _  /)                    (\  _  /)
     ( \( )/ )     I C E-man      ( \( )/ )
     (       )    Wishes You      (       )
      `>   <'  Seasons Greetings   `>   <'
      /     \    09 December 05    /     \
      `-._.-'                      `-._.-'
 

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)