Text 4, 78 rader
Skriven 2004-07-26 12:33:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av DAVE COBLE
Ärende: Spring Cleaning
=======================
DC> Buying your wife a self-cleaning oven for Christmas was a nice gesture,
DC> but it shouldn't be considered your share of house cleaning for the next
DC> year!

Let me get this straight -- I'm supposed to give meaning to her efforts at
cooking, AND I'm supposed to do dishes?!?

How the hell is THAT at all fair?

I ate -- I dirtied some dishes -- I'm DONE, dammit!

More tips:


Housekeeping hints

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a
serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet
Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename
the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an
ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun.  Call it an SPF factor of 5
and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out
that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play
animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to
see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter
her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you
say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I
haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the
couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
(This last one is really hard to pull off with a straight face and a
tan...)



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(I am the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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